negara abuk~

esok.lusa.
balik
ntah apapa.. malas lak nk lepak lama2 dekat KLIA
swine flu
bosan
hish..
lembab pulak nk balik..
cepat lah 3 julai

***
kemas umah dgn barang2
gile abuk

semalam mop
esk debu balik
haish..
penatlah
panas


***
nk gi Husein lg
bagasi dh penuh
sangat PENUH

nk sumbat mane ntah lagi..
eii.. tension

semalam rs nk balik menyengat-yengat
arini rs tanak pulak
esk?

aiii...sy x suka hujung tahun. abes sem je blurr.. 3 bulan tu lame..
nyesal plk x ambek syahadah tu. bleh jgk attach kat hospital kejap..

~maka bermulalah cuti summer saya yang sungguh membosankan~

budak kecik yg manis2~

distance make the heart grow fonder

so don't be apart. stay until you're bored?
haha

***

sy rindu budak kecik ini..

sy rindu family sy..


sofea rindu maklong dy~
kembang kempis bangge.

ye~ maklong rindu sofea jugak!
xoxo

artificial sweetener

This is about to be the most ridiculous, non sense, mis sense and totally emotionally driven post ever existed in this entire universe. Yes! another not-so-positive entry from.. wallaah~
ms syaimaa who are slightly (i feel sooo great repeating this...slightly~) worse than syaimaa shayuthy.. I can't believe Dr Abdel Moniem even manage to find a minute point to compare me and her, seriously no JOKE ok? she was like the ultimate medical student any Professor could ever wish for and i'm the... ermm.. uh.. great listener ever but not-so-photograpic memory student? whatever.. i'm way pass the depression period and the inferior issues.. i can finally accept who i am now.. Tho, I don't mean to stay like this forever. This is a wake-up call for me. I will change to who i can be. BETTER i would say in one word.

I don't know what should i feel. Deeply in vague confussion. After a year, do you expect me to be cold as fish? and that the only person i can talk and confide as a sister is not here anymore, would that make me better? a newly-known friend is finally leaving. I can't act stone. I barely even survived the whole year living with strangers. And now i had to counter another year? It was like a double shot at the head. I surely able to cope with the first shot, but another one?

Will i do great on my own? will i be satisfied with what i want? is this even what I WANT in the first place? will i be a happy manipulative senior? most importantly, am i even a good sister to my juniors a.k.a my new housemates? If i'm that great, why would i chase people away from my freaking 'great' life?

Panphobia is the fear of anything. I am panphobic. Being afraid of everything. perfection. disgrace. rejection. acceptance. happy. sadness. life is intermediate. A little too much of anything could turn the balance upside down. Thus, catastrophe. Just be medium. I learnt that being happy is not a choice. It's a responsibilty. You MUST be happy and grateful. Leading life as a mundane person is not healthy. seriously, medically proven... or you want me to repeat the Oral exam again? just take my words.

I can't explain why, i'm not feeling happy now... too much pressure in one single day. I can't handle two lost. Being alone is not my choice, but it's something i can't say anything to it. gosh, i'm crying.. ooo0k~ this is stupid. I don't think i can hold up to any reason for me being a repeller for human comfort when they're close. Whatever it is, I'm sorry that i have low EQ. My emotion control is not my mojo. I'm sorry thay i lose the rationality sometimes.

oh-i-feel-deeply-dejected-and-hurt. but seeing you so happy, i believe you decided the best. I feel sad that you're leaving, but nothing i say is going to change anything. Tq for trying to hang on to me for the whole year. I'm sorry that i'm all emotional, but i thought presence was a comfort and it doesn't turn out ok. Now that, absence also hurted me, please don't take note of anything regarding to me. I obviously a lost soul, who doesn't even know what I need and want.



sorry that this is a depressing post, but hey, i don't have any paper to screw up anymore, so wut evss..~ just wanna be home, be with Him, where unconditional love exist not in fairy tales


*p/s: please don't turn my posts into a controvesy. I said what i need to say. i'm feeling so sick right now.

this is the end to everything

I just finished my 1st year of medical school today. Feelings? very VERY relieved..
today i put an end to many things in my life,the 1st year , the no-posting hiatus, the waiting, the pessimistic thoughts.

I am sure that i'll put a star mark on my diary for today. I learned a lot of things this year. Most of it are life detemining decisions that i made, and some of which i laid my full heart in it and yet no one knows why or what it is.

Sorry. But there are things that are not meant to be shared with anyone. Not even talking or listening, but the point are conveyed. It's a surprise how life can be simplified by hardly anything but a decent white lie.. tho the truth is almost everything that one needs to be happy and contented.

I'm sorry. sky high metaphor again. surely, no one would get my point. ha-ha. remember? not talking but messages conveyed. thanks for listening, thanks for reading, thanks for talking. thanks for the note. YES. I thanked you. fullstop.

***

perkara yang perlu dibereskan semasa cuti summer 3 bulan:-

• Balas dendam tgk House series sampai season 5
• Bayar hutang muqorror hafazan yg tergendala akibat finals
• Brain Defragmentation.. sudah hilang matlamat nmpkny ak nih~
• Tour penang-kedah-perlis. Paid, Anah, Ume.. harap bersedia
• Physiology and Anatomy revision for clinical years.
• Hospital Attachment.. tp rs nk enjoy dulu kot.. taun depan buat bulih?? hii~
• Reunion 508.. jumpe orang-orang Malaysia..
• rehat
• rehat
• rehat
• rehat

Now.. 4 hari terakhir di Cairo.. bertungkus- lumus urusan Grand Dinner MEP.. terlalu banyak nak buat. Terasa [pressure. Padahal simple je.. adoii.. symphatic stimulation belum dibuang lgi...~

tamat sudah penantian setahun aku. ^-^! 5 tahun lagi akan menjengah. Seorang dari kita telah kembali kepadaNya, bersama perjuangan nya. Apa akan jadi kepada kita? Dimanakah aku di masa depan? :(

Hanya Dia yg tahu. Doaku semoga jalan ini terbaik untuk kita semua. Ameen.

bukan tautan hati

kita yang berjalan melintas pelangi
lalu berlari mengejar mentari
dipadang rerumput menghijau
andai datang saifi
kering menanti hari

kita yang melirik dari mata ke hati
mengikat janji, melakar mimpi
laksana setia siang datang sesudah malam,
asalnya putaran alam
sekali Dia berbicara
langit bukan biru lagi

janji ibarat ombak memukul pepasir
sekali menghempas, mengubah pantai
janji yang datang dan bergulung pergi
ibarat buih lautan
ada dan tiada
serupa.

kita yang berpegang tangan
tersenyum bercanda bersama
bagai semalam tiada makna
atau esok tiada harga
dan lusa tiada akhirnya

kita tidak tersurat untuk selamanya bersama
andai esok aku masih di sini
aku pasti tidak bertanya
mengapa aku bukan di sana

bukan jarak itu ukuran ukhwah
bukan jumlah khabar nilai kita
walau bukan tautan hati

`
`
izinkan aku menjadi sahabatmu sampai saat Tuhan berbicara tentang yg lainnya..



ikhlas tapi jauh,
dedikasi utk bakal ex housemates ku, dan mereka-mereka yg amat saya hargai. mereka tahu siapa mereka. tautan hati walau bukan dalam bentuk jodoh dan pertemuan, semoga Allah redha ukhwah yg terbina.