indefinite

you.....

and

I

are indefinite... keep praying~

mahar cinta

• 
  
  Andainya dapat engkau mendengarkan


• 
  
  Suara di hatiku melagukan rindu


• 
  
  Kiranya engkau mampu mentafsirkan


• 
  
  Setiap bait kata-kata yang terucap
  Pasti dirimu kan memahami


• 
  
  Harapan kasih yang terbina


• 
  
  Sekian lama di sudut hatiku


• 
  
  Hanyalah untukmu
  Bukanlah aku sengaja


• 
  
  Melindungi rasa di jiwa


• 
  
  Namun bimbang diri kan terleka


• 
  
  Hanyut dibuai angan dan mimpi indah


• 
  
  Hingga terabai segala cita


• 
  
  Sedang khayalan tak menjanjikan


• 
  
  Segunung kebahagiaan


• 
  
  Sebagai mahar hantaran
  Apakah mungkin engkau mengerti


• 
  
  Setiap cinta yang dilafazkan


• 
  
  Bukanlah sekadar mainan


• 
  
  Tetapi sebuah janji
  Andainya dapat engkau mendengarkan


• 
  
  Suara di hatiku melagukan rindu


• 
  
  Kiranya engkau bisa mentafsirkan


• 
  
  Setiap bait kata-kata yang terucap
  Pasti dirimu


• 
  
  Dapat melihat rahsia kasih yang terpendam


• 
  
  Sekian lama di sudut hatiku


• 
  
  Hanyalah untukmu


• 
  
  Selamanya
  

hanya mampu berdoa dan berharap....mencuba menjadi lebih baik..insyaAllah...bantulah aku..

I am...

i am...

no one to you

thanks for reminding me of that

thanks also for making me feel that I was someone for you

i am..

drowning in questions

hate living in vagueness..

why don't you just tell me

what is it?!

i'll accept anything

even a big NO

and

i am hating you

for confusing my life..

geez~ thanks a lot!

i am...

learning to be happy..

as much as i needed to cry

but i constrained myself

life was uneasy now

wishing for better days ahead

i am..

finding peace

looking into everything and wishing

to be loved and live it to the fullest..

i am..

alone

with no one..

kautsar! hani!

you don't know how lost i am here..

walk alone to classes..

walk alone on streets..

i now had no one

no one...

i'm lost into tears...

painful as it is

tolonglah... sungguh sedih takda kawan yg boleh share masalah disini.. kautsar~ dimana kamu?

Oh~ begitulah..

Akhirnya! beg sy dh siap jgk... beratnya? aduhai tak terkata.. baru semalam gelakkan org sbb dia kata beg dia takbleh diangkat (huh! padan muka I now~) Sambil kemas2 bilik yg sungguh bersepah tak terkata akibat barang2 yg tak reti2 nk masuk dlm beg.. nk tido just tolak brg2 atas katil ketepi.. seryes! semak~ Tetiba dgr plk lagu raya... menjelang hari raya~( ak dgr menjelang nk fly~ ) dendang perantau la.. apala.. eishh hantu betul TV nih saja je nak emo kan ak.. org sebok kemas umah, sy sebok nk kemas beg.. pilu hati tak terkata..

Bila dh siap keja kemas brg.. dh free la plk.. biskut raya suma dh siap dlm balang.. rumah dh ready.. aiii.. bosan lagi.. nk layan kebosanan, jalan2 kat internet.. confirm takde keja! abes suma blog org redah baca.. buka FS.. hurmm takda apapon.. Myspace? siang2 lagi dh kena delete.. facebook? malas le..nnt2lah~ tgh2 bosan mcm ni rindu plk dkt dia tu.. hurmm tgh wat pe laa.. dh balik umah.. on9 tak penah plk..sy tau kamu busy... I can see that..but.. hey~ sy rindu kamu sgt2 ni.. cepat on9! bnyk nk cerita.. rindu mcm dulu2.. sembang2.. oh~ sy sudah hendak fly.. jgn wat sy sedih rindu kamu~

Internet mlm ni sgtla s.e.n.g.a.l. Feel like talking to someone.. no one is around~ sunyi sekali.. bosan tahap maX..tetiba rasa mcm nk nangis.. owh.. why? Esk laptop akn masuk kedai install Genuine Window.. piracy sungguh menyusahkan.. pegi wat keje halal sket tak bleh ke?! Hati.. jiwa sy sungguh kacau..haish pegila kau! sy mahu study nnt, 6 taun sgt lama... fokus2! mcm mn nk get rid this memory.. klau bleh masuk recycle bin pastu empty recycle bin tu kan senang..


*feel kind of silly coz' keep thinking of all this crap.. I should be calm.. I'm leaving... what more is left to be said?

:( b.o.s.a.n

CoNgRaTuLaTions DAMANHUR!

Damanhur a.k.a MEG3 is my class name in Intec .. hehe.. Eventhough our class is not as 'kecoh' as "some" classes (read MEG1) but we're happy aren't we? especially during our lunch trip together at Al- Diafah.. and our class role play together..oh.. not to mention the dinner at Chicken Rice Shop which I did not attend for some reasons...hihi..sorry ya! I admit that we all haven't really know each other well.. but.. It's a pleasure to know all of you~ I learnt a lot from this class and to my fellow dearest classmates.. All the best in Egypt.. (special wishes for Teng, Hakim and Ady.. for they will be in Ain Shams instead of Cairo Univ with all of us)



The results of my Final Exam are finally out.. and proudly I would say my class excels! yeah.. go for it damanhurians.. all of us manage to get 25 which is the highest point.. so.. everyone is flying with flying colours.. (haha.. so weird la this sentence) My result? hehe not bad la.. all A's, It's not what I expected as I thought I blew off my Biology paper.. huh.. Alhamdulillah I made it too..



Here are some pics of our not-so-kecoh class.. I present to you.. Members of Damanhur..

• Marzuki @ juki - Dedicated Class rep
• Engku - former class rep. turned MT
• Tengku- Big bro
• Ady - my role play partner.. sorry for always being a troublesome
• Hakim - forum partner.. sorry for the same cause
• Amirul- lil bro.. but always put ahead brilliant thoughts
• Kamil- oh, what can I say more.. kamil is kamil laa
• Azizul- tiqah said he's immatured.. but his responses says more about him..
• Haziq- you'll notice him around only when he laugh

The girls

• Nadhirah- Vice class rep. that founds out Upax brings about benefits to her ~_~
• Atiqah- Former vice class rep.. now dedicated MT and 24 hours is not enough for her :p
• Nisa'- for some reasons azizul fond to tease her.. makes me wonder~
• Syaimaa- watch out! this is not me.. my classmate duplicates my name loh.. now I have to introduce myself as Sya.. wueks!
• Iema- neighbour... and not to mention Head of my block~
• Nasywa- Sir Ishak said and I quote- 'aii..mcm mak org'
• Anah- hehe.. kucing hitam~ it's all I can say.. gila indie band!
• Zahidah- roomate a.k.a neighbour partner..

HAPPY TO BE PART OF IT!!

Entah Apa Apa

Ketidakadaan mood mmg penyakit seryes skang nih.. ingat ak sorg jek.. cik Nad pon same jew.. ada ka patut En "UK"~ tu kata blog ak bersawang~ ok pe.. ada gak post selang 2 hari.. mmg nak kena dia nih..

Memandangkan cik Tiqah dh cerita kes shopping dia.. so nk tulis gak la..(takleh mengalah nih!) Balik jek dr Intec bermalasan kat umah.. mmg tak sedar diri nk fly apa menda pon tak nk settlekan.. Sampaila mama start bercakap.. barulah nk sebok cari brg.. Dh mmg maklum kat Perlis ni nk beli brg mmg susah sket, so.. kenala gi sampai Alor Star.. Dr pagi sampai ptg mencari brg2.. bkn ak yg pilih pon... mcm mama ak plk yg nk fly.. "yg ni nak x?".. angguk .. "yg ni?" angguk lg.. haish..malasnya nk pilih apapa.. "erk..ma, amek jela apapa yg rs patut.. pastu suma mama pilih jela..along ok jew~" tak pasal dgn kuar statement tu kenala lecture free kat situ.. huhu.. "Ni sapa yg fly ni, mama ka along?!"

Dh kena sound camtu.. ak pon watla muka cam interested sket.. padahal dlm hati.. cepatla..nk balik! Time pilih2 kasut.. tetiba pedih lak perut.. kepala pon pening2.. duduk la kat tempat org try2 kasut.. mata mencari2 mana family ak lak ni.. haish dah hilang plk.. salesgirl kat tepi wat muka pelik je.. bdk ni pehal? wei! suka ati ak le.. sakit ni taw tak!? Last2 mama dtg bwk kasut.. tny ok ke tak? terus tak ckp bnyk angguk jelaa.. "err.. ma, balik jom! tak larat lg dh" so.. balikla..

Lepas insiden sakit kat Mall tu, dua mlm takleh tido.. sakit perut sgt2.. so.. esknya plan nk gi beli barang lg, jd plan gi jumpa Dr.. kena gastrik rupanya ak.. eish.. tak penah2..hehe ada gak alasan ak mls kuar umah gi beli brg.. nasib baik la bnyk yg dh siap.. klau tak susah gak.. Dh baik sket, kuar lg.. msuk td pagi dh 5 kali kuar masuk kedai.. bosan tol bab2 beli2 brg ni.. Dh la kepala asek penin2 ja (alasan malas kluar umah la tu senang ckp)

Akaun HSBC blom bukak lg.. baju raya belum cari lagi (ish.. tak yah jelaa bleh x? takde mood dh nk raya) brg eletrik nk kena cari gak.. hurmm adapter?? mana lg ak nk pegi beli ni.. oh tidak!! malas sudah nk keluar umah. Penyakit ikut mood ak ni mmg menjadi2.. entah apa prangai pon tak tau la.. dalam hati asek gelisah jek.. hurmm.. tanak fly?? eiii..dh cukup! melampau betul perangai.. Isnin ni gi Alor Star lg??? waaaa......

Tag oh Tag~

hehe.. dh lama virus tagging ni divaksinasikan oleh Prof. Anas.. tetiba ada balik~ kn lagi ak~ hehe buat ajela demi memikul amanah cik Iema neyh~ so merepek jela sepanjang zaman ak neyh ~_~

Apakah benda paling penting dlm hidup kamu?

Agama.. family.. akal yg waras

Apakah benda terakhir yg kamu beli dgn duit sendiri?

Kasut.. hee~

Dimanakah tempat perkahwinan impian kamu?

tepi pantai.. haha for sure bkn kat mesir kan? so balik sini la kawen kat umah jek

hehe

Berapa lama anda rasa hubungan anda berkekalan?

Ish.. klau dh kawen mesti nak sampai ke akhir hayat en?

Adakah anda dilamun cinta?

Entahlah.. cinta tu apa? tak kot, tersuka maybe :P

Dimanakah restoran terakhir kamu makan malam?

erk..pizza hut tu kira restoran x? klau ye, haa tulaa

Namakan buku terakhir yang kamu beli?

My secret

Apakah nama penuh anda?

Syaimaa' Binti Ahmad... ape neyh?

Kamu lebih senang dengan Mak atau Ayah?

kalau nak shopping senang dgn Mama, klau nk advice senang dgn Baba .. so dua2 la tu~

Namakan seseorang yg ingin anda jumpa utk pertama kali?

Nabi Muhammad S.A.W

Christina atau Britney?

dua2 x best

Adakah anda mencuci pakaian anda sendiri?

oh.. sorry to say memcuci is not my expertise~ hehe

Tempat paling seronok yg anda mahu pergi?

Mekah dan Europe

Pelukan atau ciuman?

dua2.. :P

8 perkara yg amat saya sukai

masak.. baca buku... bunga.. coklat

pantai.. kenangan dulu2.. shopping.. main bowling

7 perkataan yg sering diucapkan

ntah apapa.. mengader.. sengal.. malas r..suka ati dia jek.. haish dia ni..

nak kena bdk nih

7 buku yg saya baca??

aiii.. nk bagi satu pon susah.. last skali baca buku utk final exam aritu..pemalasnya~

8 lagu yg boleh dengar berulang kali..

takbrapa minat sgt.. dgr kejap2 boleh

8 perkara yg saya pelajari tahun lalu..

subjek medical laa kat intec...sabar.. kawan itu indah... jgn mudah percaya org..

family penting.... bawak keta jgn nak speeding jek..(kan dh takut).... jgn nilai org dr luaran..

skang waktu blaja ok, so jgn memain~

yeay!! dah siap.. berjaya gak akhirnya

stay

Sounds straight from the twilight

Has me up all nightI can’t

Fall asleep coz

I keep thinking of you

And I saw a shadow, outside my window

And it’s you!
c/oAll my sorrows flew away

Hush keep quiet hear me say

I don’t ever want you to go

Please stay
With the moonlight dancing free

And there’s no one but you and me

There’s no reason to go away

Please stay
Making up a story

It’s the way you’re looking at me

If you think that this is funny

It’s just you
Try and think about it

If your heart is closed don’t lock it

Put your keys back in your pocket, think this through

****

my fav. song~ love the lyric though...seems like I'm wanting that person to stay... will you stay?

F01 yg sentiasa havoc~

muka sweet je.. ganaz ni suma.. haha

Selesai cerita jiran.... smbg cerita dorm plk.. sehebat namanya~ f01.. mmg penghuniny pon lebih kurang mcm suasana kat litar sepang time ada race.. havoc (bisinglah tu).. mmg bnyk kenangan dlm dorm tu.. 2 taun duduk skali.. rs sgt syg dkt semua org.. entah mcm mn bleh plk dlm satu dorm tu majoriti nya satu kepala jek.. sehati sejiwa.. f01 ni slalu gak wat kecoh.. mcm2 hal.. tp normal kot hidup berasrama.. mmg mcm tu karenah nya.. klau ada perjumpaan apapa..tak lain tak bkn, ahli f01 nilaa yg jd pengkritik terhormat.. bagus jgk skali skala ada 'pembangkang' kan? baru meriah.. demokrasi la katakn..



Klau nk cerita satu2 mmg tak abes.. kdg2 dlm ahli dorm bergaduh jgk.. asek liqa muhasabah je.. klaka pon ada.. paling di tunggu2 al- mulk~ sesi pengumuman sampai berjela2.. siap msk menegur2 org lg.. sampai bleh perang.. tp kejap je.. lepas tu baik balik.. memori yg tak boleh lupa.. ms wat jamuan dorm senyap2 tu.. best.. abes kain cadar selimut jd kain rentang.. tp suma org happy kan? ada lg kot.. time fly beramai2 yg kantoi tu.. haha.. mmg lawak giler..



Lagi satu rahsia bdk2 dorm f01 ni.. kaki mkn je suma.. weekend je mesti ada yg bwk makanan~

bygkan satu dorm mkn sesama( takla semua) tp sgt sweet... sharing is caring right? mangsa utama.. idayu! haha.. mak dia sgt suka bawak mknn.. sedap lak tu.. not lyke the D...M~ sorry.. lagi satu cik Nuha sweetie pie.. spagetti dgn makaroni goreng dia tu.. then we got..Hani gaL ni ptg2 bwk kuih amenda ntah yg bulat tu... tak ingat nama lah dear.. lagi satu yg best.. masa time f21 dulu.. berjiran ngan ustzh Nik.. asek dpt mknn gak..huhu jeles la jiran lain..



actually bnyk lg kenangan f01.. bnyk org lg yg kami cari pasal :P.. bdk f01 ni mmg tak serik2 hee~ tp ak mmg sgt rindu zaman dulu tu.. rindu dgn suma org.. impossible dpt jumpa suma balik before ak fly ni kan?

Cerita Dulu- Dulu~

Semalam tak boleh tido.. berpusing2 atas katil nk lelap mata pon takboleh.. Tetiba rasa rindu pulak kat teman sebelah katil masa di KISAS.. My Kautsar dearie~

Teringat masa first time jejak kaki kat KISAS.. my parents balik agak lmbt, family org lain suma dh balik.. masa ak smpi je kat dorm tu suma org dh siap kemas2.. ak jeling 'jiran' baru ak tu.. "hurm..dh tido ke? sombongnya~ mesti saja tanak tegur org.. berlakon tido lak"

Haishh jahat sungguh su'uzon kat org~ blom apapa lg dh mengumpat.. Tp then, siapa tahu.. "jiran sombong" ak tulah, jd bestfriend ak.. teman dua tahun di Bumi Wakafan.. sama2 homesick.. menangis pon sama2.. ingat lagi ada skali tu, dua2 org dh demotivated.. semangat je dua2 nak keluar dr KISAS.. cewah..ala2 Titanic~ you jump..I jump.. setahun melayan homesick yg ntah apapa.. tension2.. Ting 4 mmg memeritkan.. nak pulak duduk dlm klas streaming.. thank God we have each other.. balik klas menangis lagi.. (haha Tahun Nangis ke apa?)

Naik Ting 5, kami berpisah klas.. ak ingat lagi Kautsar nangis sgt.. kecewa maybe.. actually me too.. nak wat camne I'm kind of expect it.. result Final Exam ak sgt.... huuu~ Tp naik Ting 5 ja dh takde kisah2 nangis ni... Tp still..dia jiran saya~ sama2 bagi motivasi kat masing2. Dia dgn Petronas and PE nya.. me and medical issues.. persaingan sihat.. Ada gak time2 kami bergaduh..perang besar gak.. tp silly fight~ sepanjang gaduh ak asek nangis jek.. I miss her so much at those moments.. silly me! last2 berbaik gak.. satu dorm was like praying for us to be back again.. haha klakar.. mana taknya bestfriend gaduh kecoh gak dorm tu~ huhu..

Skang, kami akn berpisah lagi... but atleast kami dh dpt apa yg kami impi selama ni... yg tertulis kat katil masing2.." Petronas and Medic.." To my dear.. Goodluck in what ever you do.. don't ever give up upon your goal..remember we faced something harder than this last time.. so I believe we can make it! I love you~

*next story>> beloved dorm mates

saya mahu...

...angin kering kota mesir sudah memanggil2 sy.. oh~ bersabar, sy masih belum bersedia utk kesana... hanya mampu melihat foto sahabat yg sudah sampai di ard'ul kinanah.. berpasir..

sebelum fly sy sgt ingin buat perkara2 ini..mcm tak sempat sudah.. oh~ saya tetap mahu...

1. mahu bermain di pantai2.. belum pernah ke pulau tioman..
2. mahu ice- skating di Sunway Piramid lg... last time plan tak jd..geram sungguh
3. mahu makan Secret Recipe+ Pizza Hut + Jco Donut bnyk2..
4. mahu shopping di Mid Valley lagi... hurmm takde menda pon nk beli.. jln2 maybe?
5. mahu sleep over di rumah my bestfwens ~_~ pastu chat until dawn
6. mahu jalan2 beraya rumah suma org (my friends la)
7. mahu mkn my fav. dish kat pasar mlm tu.. arghh kenapa dh takde??
8. mahu org wat surprise party for me... b'day dh lepas, mengarut je dia neyh~

mahu stay disini...boleh?? hikhikhik

b.o.s.a.n.

Haish, blom apapa lg dh kebosanan dirumah.. membakar biskut raya sambil termenung.. "ish taun depan bleh x buat biskut raya camni lg?" Raya lagi 2 minggu... sungguh2 takda mood nak wat apapa.. raya terakhir di Malaysia sebelum jd anak perantau... sedihnya hati... :(

Beg sangat besar... isi masih kosong.. nk isi apa neyh? 30 kg.. mcm bnyk sgt.. nk beli apa lg? oh~ malas keluar rumah.. rindunya kawan2 zaman smkaa..suma tgh blaja la plk.. kamu org neyh~ ak balik sini korang plk pegi sana... ape kes?

Tak sabar plk nk tgg raya nnt.. bleh jumpa korang suma.. sedihnya takda org nak antar kat airport... suma bz.. iring dgn doa jela k?

Mesir~ takutnya... mcm mn la life nnt.. Nk duduk dkt mana? Dgn sapa? confius2.. Nk pegi kuliah mcm mn? sejukkah? panaskah? 6 taun sgt lama~ tidak!

*Hurmm.. blom sampai sana lagi sudah rindu kamu.. How's ur life? masih bz ke?

OMG.. It's for real!

I was staring at my coat ( disaster la) can't believe I'm wearing those to Egypt!! it was... argh no word to describe it.. wateva laa.. anyway I'm leaving on 6 oct, will be in KLIA from 6 pm till midnight... yeah,right!5 hours stranded in KLIA.. hey, you better come ok? or else....

Till now, I still can't believe it.. I'm leaving already? there's still lots of things I wanted to do.. lots of things left unsaid.. oh.. do I regret what i've done? yes! I do.. sorry~ felt like time fly away this time.. but still I managed to do some things that I want to do.. thanks guys!

I'm sad too now.. I don't know why.. bored? hurmm.. miss my life back in INTEC.. huhu.. I have'nt start anything yet.. so not in da mood right now..

rase cam tanak pegi jek..

what can u do?

disana nnt takde u

camne ni??

:(

say... nothing

"sometimes things are best to be kept unsaid"

so say nothing

Oh~ i really miss you now..

hOmE~

I'm staring out into the night

Trying to hide the pain

I'm going to the place where love

And feeling good don't ever cost a thing

And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain

I'm going home

Back to the place where I belong

And where your love has always been enough for me

I'm not running from

No, I think you got me all wrong

I don't regret this life I chose for me

But these places and these faces are getting old

So I'm going home

Well I'm going home

The miles are getting longer, it seems

The closer I get to you

I've not always been the best girl or friend for you

But your love remains true

And I don't know why

You always seem to give me another try

So I'm going home

Back to the place where I belong

And where your love has always been enough for me

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong

I don't regret this life I chose for me

But these places and these faces are getting old

Be careful what you wish for

'Cause you just might get it all

You just might get it all

And then some you don't want

Be careful what you wish for

'Cause you just might get it all

well I'm going home

i;m going ..

H.O.M.E

*what hurt the most is being so close... I miss you... I love you..8888

Sudah la

hey, kamu

sudahla

kesat airmata, bangun!

lari lagi...

One Destination? EGYPT~

yeay~ yeay dh nk fly

leave anything

start something

love something

Kembali~

Wahai Tuhan yang Maha Pemurah
Terangilahku dengan Nur Iman-Mu
Hanya Engkau tempat aku berserah
Mohon maghfirah di dalam syahdu

Wahai Tuhan yang Maha Pengasih
Ampunilah segala dosaku
Laksana buih di laut memutih
Hanyut ditelan gelombang nafsu

Hari-hari yang telah aku lalui
Ingin kutinggalkan terus bersemadi
Ingin aku kembali kepada fitrah insani
Tak sanggupku jelajahi rimba duniawi

Bebaskanlah diriku dari dibelenggu
Dosa noda nafsu durjana
Terimalah taubatku
Ya AllahPimpinlah daku ke jalan redha-Mu
Moga sinar-Mu terangi hidupku
Di dalam kegelapan

Akukan kembali pada-Mu Rabbi
Mengadap-Mu Ya Rabbul Izzati
Segala ketentuanku pasrahkan
Di hujung penghayatan


~feeling sinful these days... please peoples, forgive me~

a dedication...

i dedicate this poem to all my friends......
a farewell


A FAREWELL

With all my will, but much against my heart,
we now part.
My Very Dear,
Our solace is, the sad road lies so clear.
It needs no art,
With faint, averted feet
And many a tear,
In opposed paths to presevere
Go thou to west and I east.
We will not say
There's any hope, it is so far away.
But, O my Best!
When the one darling of our widowhead,
The nursling Grief,
Is dead,
And no dews blur our eyes
To see the peach-bloom come in evening skies,
Perchance we may,
Where now this night is day,
And even through faith of still averted feet,
Making full circle of our banishment,
Amazed meet;
The bitter journey to the bourne so sweet
Seasoning the termless feast of our content
With tears of recognation never dry.
-coventry

special dedicated to my dear...
Kautsar
(please don't cry reading this ya?)

My Name Is Syaimaa'

Weird isn't it? what's with the topic? Actually you all might know me..but I believe no one ever know the real me..except for my close friends,those who always hang out with me and family, no one really know who is the real Syaimaa Bt Ahmad...



I am an open book, I can be read but the language is hard to be understood..

Someone said I am rebellious..I never object it..it is true anyway...I can still remember my primary school teacher used to call me Grumpy..it's because I always make storm in a tea cup~ eventhough the matter was rather small and petty but I always make a lot of noise out of it....I make a lot of friends but at the same time hurt them a lot too with my words (sorry friends) I can't help it..my attitude sometimes make people hate me..well I don't force them to like me anyway..



Actually I wasn't born with it...I became the grumpy kid when I was in kindergarden..back then I was the kind of sweet and demure little girl..but I was the smallest in my class (i'm like Shasha, nuha's niece) very small sometime no one notice that I'm even there! my presence was not making any different, if I'm not there nobody would notice Im gone! so I developed a skill..a kind of survival skill...I became very active in class..talkative..and always involve in fights...My teachers often get headaches just because of me...well that attitude remains until, I moved to Kisas in Form 4..however... still, I am a rebellious syaimaa but I manage to keep it inside until...form 5, there was an incident just a fews weeks before I move out for good from Kisas..no need to tell what is the incident...It really broke my heart and I realise that my attitude is actually beneficial too....

I can't stand seeing injustice in play...and I believe that we must respect others and must not cross the line, we must be just and fair to others, then only people will hold respect to you... I never asked to be respected because I know I don't deserve it...because sometimes I forgot to respect others too!

Sometime my 'badside' of me really give me luck..I was selected to represent my state for debate just because I always speak out 'loud' but it's not a good thing either because I tend to lose to my emotions and let it get control of me...

I'm just being me, eventhough some people dislike it but I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not! I'm trying...to control my emotions and let it go wisely..even when I'm trying to stand for justice, I;m learning to make it with wisdom..however it takes a lot of patience and time...I'm trying here...to be a better me~