♥ life is sweet ♥

dear u

2010-02-01T02:06:00.002+08:00

U
thank you for being there for me.
making me happy
but
It's been a year.

and
i totally understands what happens between us.
It's over now.
Thank God.

I wish u the best of ur life.
but it's over now.
goodbye

forever i'll remember 1234. a song. a memory. but it's over.

i'm home

2009-10-02T18:17:00.002+08:00

already home.
confuse.. i won't miss you.
i promise to stay strong
to be happy with all i had now.
to not obey my rebelious head.
to be great on my own.
i won't miss you
I WON'T

worries

2009-09-28T00:57:00.000+08:00

will iT ever be gone?

my luggage is out of hand, my celcom number is now blocked [again!] the thing with my life is not going so well, my oh-so great lovelife stuck in haywire..

the least i can do is try to ignore, and worry-not about everything

oh, i am so STRESSED!

forgot?

2009-09-18T01:31:00.003+08:00

of course i didn't ignore you, my love.
i just happens to forget about you for a while
oh really? :#!
i love you forever and ever
i miss you
but i just don't need you right now.
i'm blissed
happily and merrily..

did i mention i love you yet?

*gile ke sewel ckp dgn blog? wahahaha.. whatever it is i still love you babe!

nk tempek lagu ni.. best~!

Agnes Monica – Teruskanlah
Pernahkah kau bicara
Tapi tak di dengar
Tak di anggap
Sama sekali

Pernahkan kau tak salah
Tapi disalahkan
Tak di beri
Kesempatan

Kuhidup dengan siapa
Ku tak tau kau siapa
Kau kekasihku tapi
Orang lain bagiku

Kau dengan dirimu saja
Kau dengan duniamu saja

Teruskan lah..
Teruskan lah
Kau begitu

Kau tak butuh diriku
Aku patung bagimu
Cinta bukan
Kebutuhan mu

make time go faster or stop here

2009-09-13T00:19:00.004+08:00

i am totally disappointed with myself..
oh syaimaa' ahmad, can u force yourself to something better?

or perhaps just stay where u are now..

time, can you go faster? or just go back to where i have my heart back.

arghhh... stressed out suda~

happy 090909 everyone!

2009-09-09T01:38:00.004+08:00

I've been gone like 2 days... anddd omg! my emails flooded with FB notifications.. nothing much, but just a bunch of sickkkk people love to play tag, run, n flood everybody's emails with junk!

*harsh*

I dunno why.. but I'm kind of fancy today's 090909 date.. it;s like a perfect series of number to remark something isn't it? well like, nk nikad time 010101 la, 020202 la.. or wat eva..

and despite to series of things that made me cranky all week long, I set an alarm on my phone.. 9th september 2009.. [something great is going to happen! be strong cemak~]

maybe i sound superstitious.. but we can have some space for dreams aren't we?

and lucky me me.. just a few minutes in 090909.. and i'm smiling again..
i'm no longer 'sick', my headache is gone, the cave sessions ended *grin*, well.. a perfect day to celebrate!

me: omg! i miss that
M.L: miss what?
me: that phrase u always mention
M.L: does that mean u miss me?
me: bwekk.. get a clue!

do i miss you? gawdddd.. i miss you too much! :X

lovesickness

2009-09-06T02:28:00.006+08:00

Things had been getting out of hands this past two days. Nothing works out for me. I fell sick i mean like-sickening -SICK~ oh. well i must say my sleep schedule went haywire again. I woke up at 3 am morning feeling extremely dizzy and nauseous. I threw up at 10 after struggling to force myself back to bed. I dunno, something has been bothering me. But I can't tell what it is.

I talked to someone this morning, and again.. i found the conversation not very comforting. I got sick thinking on how men and women are weirdly different. And how their act to problems are also different, but yet we found ourselves, sticking and finding soulmate for ourselves. It's like two different poles attracting each other. I've been reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus only to find myself in greater confusion.

We want comfort and you want to pull away from us? and how would that work in a real-life relationship? I could only see myself in misery if I would have an uncaring husband who only think about how to make himself happy instead of saving the marriage.

One of my male collegue said to me.. " we guys, will just leave our partner [girl] for quite sometime, let her cry missing us. Then we go back to her." And he call that sweet. Oh well, i got nothing against this unique male policy. But surely no girl would want to handle that. It sounds pretty mean to me. I dunno. But I will totally respect that.

If that is what he wants, then i'm totally okay with it. But please dear, don't blame me if I wouldn't be seeking for you. I'm just giving you some space to breath. I understand how this space is important for you. So don't take me for granted just because of that.

oh.. i'm totally done with all these mushy stuff.

EmOtIOnAL~

2009-09-03T16:00:00.002+08:00

emotional failure. I guess by now, i'm kind of lost. it's like you chasing me away. But i'm not going to assume anything. I'm waiting for you to speak out. I told you before. In fact, many times before. when we're done. then we're done forever. in a good way. we don't need the painful awkward break up session. No need of hurting each other. put a fullstop. and go.

but i'm still waiting

a confession

2009-09-02T03:48:00.003+08:00

everything started out easy and happy
but it's getting weird and hard
so weird, that i couldn't picture of what's next
so hard, that i can't think of a perfect ending to this

i miss you
i miss the laughter of stupid jokes that we shared
i miss the i-would-not-mind- waiting- you- to-finish- your- work
and i miss everything about not knowing your thoughts

the not talking but always know the right message
it works like magic

i love the way you work hard for your future
the forever great news you told me
about you
about the life you lead

i couldn't be happy more
and i would always be happy for you

but now i'm not sure what happening between us
remember that i told you that i will always be there for you?

i'm sorry
i'm not chasing you away from me
you don't know how it rages inside me
to see you that far
and not being able to be at times of need

i can't afford the pain anymore
i am not willing to sacrifice this friendship for what i feel.
what will be will be
only God knows that

all i know is i need to be apart from you
cause what hurt the most is being so close
but yet too far away.

i'll miss you forever, friend~

bags in need!

2009-08-30T03:58:00.009+08:00

I totally need bags. peh... ayat shopaholic sggh! but my purse is so desperate. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghh..

okayy.. the reason i need big bags is so that i can stuff all my things books, pencil case, purse, keys, evrything! to college. I don't really have a proper bag for going to class purposes. Well, in Egypt.. it is so pricey for a branded bag, and those Sayyeda streets' bags can only hold together for about a week! such a waste! seminggu satu bag, wah macam promo iklan~

anywayss, I've been looking online for a perfect bag, and then... WALLaah~!

esprit sling bag! big, sporty and RED.. totally fab.. i dunno why i found red is quite a charm to my eyes these days. Yikess.. so shantekkk.. btw i found this in Esprit.co.UK... UK guys~ i wonder if it's available here. i'm really itching for one...

hot nyer~

this one is also esprit's, leather.. so i bet it's easy to be cleaned.. well u noe, egypt is a wonderland of dust! not as chic as the above, but this one look more..... uhmmm, i dunno, durable?

or maybe i should get this in brown?

this colour looks more egypt ish style.. padang pasir, indiana jones, traveller,piramid, got the picture?

good!

now, how do i get rm500 in a week? any ideas?

*p/s: i noe mom would approve this, she is btw, suggesting me to buy a branded bag right away before i fly last year, so that i would not end up buying new cikai bags monthly or in my case weekly, one good bag is all i need.

insomnia?

2009-08-29T02:53:00.003+08:00

it's 3 am and i'm still AWAKE!! for god sake... not sleepy is not cool ok? especially at this moment of the hour. I dunno wat i'm thinking. gosh.. i guess i'm still troubled by last night thingy and got all miserable till today. I dun get it tho, i'm an easily merajuk type of girl but it'll fade away in just minutes. kdg2 xpyh pujuk, i'll pujuk diri sendiri k.. but this had gone beyond my due.

But sometimes i just crave for attention, tho i barely got it totally understood! coax me or leave me to comfort myself.. Some guys wafi, to be exact said girls are so troublesome. I couldn't agree more. We are leceh in particular. Sometime we don't even know what we want. Guys who are able to tell and bare with whiney girls are awesomely cool, u know! hopefully my future Mr. is a superduper cool, ssh lah klau asek merajuk kann? sighs~

and oh.. someoneramai actually asked whether i'm in a relationship or not right now due to my *craps posting before, i wouldn't say a word. but if a YES would put you guys to silent mode, then please read my answer as YES. but i rather put it in a it's complicated status..

oh godddd~these are the moments of time where i feel my life in haywire. stop asking, cause i'll refute. u know me~ lol

i miss old times.. remember 1234? it's been a while.. time, time, time

moody

2009-08-28T19:13:00.002+08:00

sorry but i don't have a pleasant attitude today
i guess i woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

i slept with a pissed off mood last night
and i think i still keep a bit of that tantrum.

maybe it's not your fault
maybe it's mine
maybe it's no one to be blamed

i guess i'm just tired
i noe i say i'm okay with evrything
but sometimes i'm not

sorry for that

and i'm having doubts now, who am i to you anyway?

i CAN'T see!!

2009-08-27T00:23:00.003+08:00

i lost my glasses. I slept before isya' , early today. I woke up feeling dizzy n all mess up. Then i went looking for it. X JUMPE!.. ouh.. saketnyer hati..

It must had got into the piles of laundry. Not below the bed. Not under my bedsheet. It's no where to be found. Sudahla my glasses tu frameless yg jenis halus tu. sumpah ssh nk cari.

Thank God, I still keep my old pair of glasses. Dgn condition mata saya now, mmg x nampak apapa.. arghhh.... macam mn nk drive nnt. Nk buat baru mesti amek seminggu.

dahla syg sgt yg lame tu. Tahan lasak. frame tu plak sgt mahal. I think i'm losing my mind now. ouh!!

esok kena buat baru. T__T! oh wait... mcm mn nak drive?

I ♥ shoes

2009-08-24T23:58:00.007+08:00

I mean who doesn't? a girl's bestfriend is shoes, shoes, and shoes..well besides diamonds lol~ I really really hearts high heels, but seriously painful. I still can't understand how people can walk and shopping for hours in those killing high heels. I can tolerate wedges but stilettos? oh my gosh~

btw, I bought black strappy high heels 5 inches kottt~ for MEP Grand dinner. 4 hours of walking here and there was an easy task. tho, sungguh berhatihati when i was required to go on the stage.. kalau jatuh malu kott~ aiiish Thank God nothing happened and I'm fine. i am soooo proud of myself~ *clapclap.

Now that i know i'm capable of wearing those dearie dearie beautiful heels. I can't resist myself from wanting more heels.

Of course my mum won't approve this. bazir je, I would be running on my sneakers anyway in Egypt. dah beli kang stack kat tepi almari je. plus i'm too young for heels AND to have too much shoes ryte?

So i need an excuse to buy one, let say another dinner? A glamourous function? but ughh.. there is no such thing for now.. aaaahhhh.. I WANT HEELS~!!!

these shoes look so sexy isn't it?

ahhh i wanttttt

source

gambar dri blogger ini.. i love her collections of shoes. awe~ saya juga mahu

but, just wondering... won't it be funny if ur hubby is shorter than u just because u walk on heels? heh, cari hubby yg tinggi than u lah solution nye ye x?

oh saya rasa...

2009-08-23T23:59:00.003+08:00

-amaran! entri ini mungkin mengundang perasaan loya dan muak. Sila beredar jika mahu puasa anda tidak batal. POST MENGARUT DAN PANJANG MELAMPAU-
klau agak2 xsuke sile out~

***

Ada orang tegur sy. I mean dressing n stuff. Entahla, kdg2 terasa agak tension. Iman mmg naik turun kan? Kadang2 rasa mcm nk campak je jeans dgn blouse2 favourite tu. Pakai je baju kurung dgn jubah. Tp kadang2 sy rasa agak leceh. Sy suka nk cepat je. Capai je apapa yg senang. Maybe betul status sy dgn penampilan sy kurang matching.

"wah, rocknya" "eh, ex kisas~" normal lah tu.. lintas je telinga. Tapi kadang2 saya rasa x selesa.

Bkn tanak, tapi sy rs xde lah teruk sgt pon dressing sy. jeans pon bkn pakai dgn t-shirts pendek2 tu.. Silalah selongkar wardrobe sy, mana nak jumpa t-shirt cam tu. Ada pon blouse2 je. Haih. Sy mmg nk berubah, sket2 lah. Tp kadang2 susah. entahla, boleh cakap yg saya nk bagi alasan je. Bkn sy x cuba. Doakn. sy pon xmahu stay tahap ni je. Nk baiki diri. Tolonglah sy. Jgn condemn. tolong.

Cerekarama Bkn Bidadari tu, mcm a hit on my head. Sy nk suami yg membimbing sy. Lembutkn hati. Bawak ke jalan yg benar. Nk buat apa harta bergunung-gunung, setakat nk hidup? InsyaAllah gaji sy cukup utk makanpakai dan hidup selesa. Paras segak? Bila tua, x berguna jgk sume tu. Sy nk yg berilmu agama. Boleh jd imam solat. Setakat masalah fiqh rumahtgg sket2 boleh ditny. Boleh dibwk berunding. Faham hukum hakam.

Seorang ayah yg boleh bentuk bakal anak2 sy. Kalau boleh ada seorang hafiz dalam keluarga. Bahagia kerana acuan agama. Td masa tgh drive, mmg ad sket perangai kurang sabar baran . pastu ckp kat my sis kat sebelah, "mesti xde yg nk kawen ngn along kan? dh la x baik mcm ni. boleh plak marah2 tgh drive, bajet gangster jalanraya" padahal tgh puasa, Astagfirullah

Setiap hari, sy rs mcm ditempelak.. "kau x baik, kau x solehah. Tak mungkin dpt yg beragama"
kadang2 sedih. Berdoa. Semoga ada seseorang utk bwk sy ke jalanNya. Sambil sy sedang membaiki diri. Jalan tu kan bnyk. Bkn tggu someone je dtg bwk. Bwk diri sendiri. Mungkin ssh nk berubah, tp asek nk tggu org cakap. Ambil kisah sgt apa org fikir, boleh jd tak betul. Moga sy kuat dan tabah.

ouh.. mlm ni saya rasa sungguh rendah dan hina. Ya Allah. Ampunkan aku, aku hanya ingin menjadi hamba Mu yg taat dan beriman. Bantulah aku Ya ALLAH. amin

cupcake vs. triffle

2009-08-23T20:56:00.004+08:00

bila org x reti bakar kek nk bakar kek maka buruk lah padahnya>>>

kek jadi overmanis.. plus hodoh sgt rupanya.. sedih tol memandang.. x sanggup nk upload~

sudahnya.. jadilah cupcake-cupcake ku itu base triffle aku~

alahai... janji boleh makan, sedap lak tu triffle nih... maw recipe?

wahahahah~

triffle ialah lapisan kek, puding kastard, buah2an dan jeli strawberry.. dpt recipe dr akak senior kat mesir.. sangat sedaplah~

btw, maafkn foto yg buruk ini ye.. cameraphone je pon..

klah, nk gi terawikh jom~

mom's little project

2009-08-21T02:48:00.013+08:00

So, my mom kind of re-using her sewing machine. Last time i saw her using it was, 2 years ago.. for the curtains.. she was a bit on and off in a few stuff. I can see where i got the do-it-when-i-feel-like-doing attitude.

She started sewing my sister's baju kurung which she just learnt a few weeks before, and now she's on something else. TUDUNG a.k.a scarfs

I dunno when it started, but when i got back from Egypt, my mother and all my sisters were not on their usual tudung anymore. They wear i called those - tudung indon. I'm a bit sceptical before, yela.. tudung indon ryte? not-so-hot and up-to-date or wat eva but when i started wearing it, I think it's very convenient, plus it's a comfy too.. dah tak payah spend lame2 depan cermin, sarung n ready to go.. gorgeous!

The best part is the material is easy to iron, and if you take good care of it. iron sekali dah cukup, wah senang hidup aku!

My mom said, it'a hot stuff now,everyone is trying out Ariani's scarfs, oh well.. not to the youth i can see.. sume gile pakai selendang now...but like in Egypt i've seen those selendang wore by egyptians peeps.. so i xde la awe sangat.. biasebiase je.. i wear selendang too, but someone *hearts said i'm much cuter in tudung labuh (which is my mom's btw) made my like tersipu-sipu kejap. teguran bahasa halus tu.. menegur me to start wearing tudung labuh-labuh.. aiii... i'll try lah k?

bknnye ssh pon. I'm the kind like pakai je apapepon janji tutup aurat n tak selekeh type of girl. So, i CAN make an effort to wear those tudung k..

ughh... pnjgnye intro explainations, nk cte sal tudung je pon. Anyways, my mom jahit tudung2 ni. and I think it's cute!! I LYKEE LAH MOMMY... mcm pro duhh my mom.. i think better than Ariani's.. plus.. it don't cost me a bomb. Lgpon mama jahit penuh kasih sayang kan? kan? cess.. bodek mahu more tudungss.. gagaga~

I think i'll stock up more of these in diff shades.. hahah.. medic student xde mase nk jage tudung kemek kena tiup angin ke, nk iron2 ke kan? what do u think, okayy?

dulu suke selendang.. style..but not convenient..atleast not to me.

***

remember my motto, sarung n go!

oh i feel extra-sweet wearing these *perasan dush!

comel x comel x? tudunglah not me

my mom.. and that is not my little brother.

ohh.. mommy i want more.. -"jahit sendiri".. auhh *sigh~

so encik, how do you find my new tudung style. menepati spesifikasi? or not?

** just so you know, i did not photoshop my face. The super flawless skin is actually due to my bedroom's light and oh, my skin is inevitably flawless lah kan jgn jeles~ :P

jom bake cupcake ptg ni.. yeay! want some?

i feel low

2009-08-20T14:45:00.005+08:00

When i got back from KL, i knew that i'm back to my normal-seriously-freaking-boring-routine.

I had enough of surfing the internet, enough of TV, enough of the sight of my takkemas room. The stack of anatomy and physiology books is never, never, ever going to look interesting to me. bosan k!

oh how i wish i had something to do. tho, actually i DO had something to do. Marmaladetech- My lappy needs to be upgraded, eye-checkup, i need new glasses, loads of shopping to take care of. and ughh.. my hsbc account. I hate those peeps! i'm thinking of closing that account. i hate lousy management. i hate chaos due to teeny meeny probs. I hate. I hate. i hate it

but i think all those can wait. until? unknown

nak jalanjalan. If only i had a few friends here. sumpah x letak kat rumah da.. out, out and away

I WISH U WERE HERE.i miss u already

i think i'm losing it. Talking to a laptop? yeah.. BOSAN SANGAT DAH LA NII

fobia

2009-08-18T20:52:00.002+08:00

oh fobia nk menulis kat blog ni lagi, tho sudah ditukakn alamat.. mmg scary weyh.. i noe.. i'm a bit selamber.. mula ingat mmglah ak x amek kesa pon sesape nk baca, but when mamababa start reading it, then my PK HEM too.. then my housemates..then my musuh dalam selimut.. seryesly x selesa okayy..

blog ak bknlah ala2 islamik or ilmiah or apepe jela u expect from a X-kisasian kan.. ikut sukelah k?

now i'm hiding it a bit.. ish.. marabahaya...

mmg, xde org tgglkn komen. ramai gile kot baca plus, siap ad stalker lg.. ntah pape.. adoy.. sshny nk jd diri sendiri..

bencilah kan...

tape.. yg dh jumpe blog ini... tahniah anda bukan stalker. Tolong jgn jadikan diri anda stalker juge.. terimalah post2 ngarut2 saya seada.. kan saya syaimaa ahmad yg anda kenal.. nk macam mn lg? tell me-lah

apepepon saya tetap nk maintain cute n sweet.. *perasan

home

2009-08-18T14:03:00.006+08:00

just got back from KL

exhausted

had an awesome weekend with miss nuha n kautsar dear

i met baby zara

comel~

nanan n shasha

comel mcm auntie nuha LoL

not in the mood to write anything

so.. nnt2lah k.

@ kisas cluster... dah warna warni skang~

midvalley ngn cik kiah. gathering exkisas

kautsar @ malam kebudayaan

and btw, i'm changing my blog address soon. syaimaahmad.blogspot will remain as my official page, but all my personal updates will not be here anymore. no worries. u all will be informed via YM.. i am in no intention to publicitize my life anymore. oh saya sungguh poyo. terimakasih

=)

2009-08-13T14:32:00.004+08:00

All Is Forgiven

for the sake of my jolly happy mood

i will =) for u now..

happy?

yes

first time masak lunch full-course arini.. selalunye gile malas.. makan je rajin.. hehe.. since my mom nk menjahit-jahit, so terpaksa buwat-buwat rajin masuk dapur, wakaka~

ok before u guys kutuks me for being pemalas, it's normal lah k, dah setaun masak sendiri nk gak mkn masakan mama ryte? xcaye? sudah..

so, menunye.. tomyam, telur bistik, kangkung goreng belacan,ayam goreng tiram

drooling? you bet! sedap LoL...

petang ni nk beli tiket utk esk.. i'm not really thrill about this trip, sbb i'm all alone =((

xpe..xpe.. for the sake of you..my dear, kautsar.. i'm wiling to do anything..

the rest of the plan is still unknown, oh well~

but here's a sneak of it..

Friday= Nuha will pick me up, and we'll go to OU then kautsar's place
saturday= Reunion 502 MIDval, of course i'll lari somewhere else, takkan nk nyeboks lak kan?
Sunday= Thinking of visiting Cemara, program motivasi MEP.. shud i go? hermm~
Monday= KISAS! nk ajak madh lah pegi.. segan deh, Rai nk ajak gi KMB.. blur2, nk pegi xnk?
Tuesday= Balik!

asal x rase excited lak ni? pray for my safe journey..

till then..

PICNIKing~

2009-08-13T01:46:00.004+08:00

i can see, the future..

the freaking 2nd year..

i was reading a page [only A page] from Head & Neck

and

already i'm distracted by PICNIK

ough.

Syaimaa Ahmad..

think straight! focus.. focus

my God, I can't believe I'm a medic student...

Map of The Problematique

2009-08-12T15:14:00.002+08:00

Fear
And the panic in the air
I want to be free
From desolation and despair
`
And I feel
Like everything I saw
Is been swept away
Well I refuse to let you go
I can't get it right
Get it right
Since I met you
`
Loneliness be over
When will this loneliness be over?
`
LifeWill flash before my eyes
So scattered and lost
I want to touch the other side
And no one
Thinks they are to blame
Why can't we see
When we bleed we bleed the same?
`
I can't get it right
Get it right
Since I met you
`

Loneliness be over
When will this Loneliness be over?
Loneliness be over
When will this Loneliness be over?
-muse-

i'm trying to reason everything, but it doesn't feel right. May I be excused to quest for myself and the reason behind all this?
cause i don't think this is comforting anymore.
cause i can't see the need for me to stand for you, while you're trying to mess it all around..
...
i can't get it right
fin

H.U

2009-08-12T00:44:00.003+08:00

yes

life is sweet

but

unfortunately

YOU'RE NOT

sorry to say that

blergh, you make me sick

again

get off my mind!

recover

2009-08-11T18:14:00.003+08:00

my brain just work extremely well

when I push my emotions away..

my bluebird just recovered yesterday.. and tho i noe i said i would never drive again.. but that bluebird seems to be just like mine already.. wakakaka.. so, wut evvs..

terlanggar dinding garage td.. naseb baik kena bumper sket je.. x calar.. kalau mama tahu ni...I"M DONE!

heart=hurt

2009-08-10T17:31:00.005+08:00

I'm fasting today.. my gastritis just subsides and i'm able to ganti my puasa Ramadan due to my gastritis attack last year.. alhamdulillah.. i hope i'm able to fast without any problem this year..

I'm not feeling well these two days.. my eyes just itch and it's turning reddish plus swollen a bit.. and not to mention severe mood swings, huh~ is it possible that my eye soreness kinda affects my mood?

I was actually planning to visit KISAS this weekend and meet Kautsar and the whole clans. It seems so vague right now.. i don't know how and when anymore. Now that I'm having unsteady mental condition, i know i can't promise much to them. Well, i guess as time pass by, you won't be able to be a "gang" anymore.. you just need to live on, and leave all the happy jolly times of your past behind. I think that's my parents' message to me. You just don't get to be teen when you're a young adult, so stop rebelling your heart out.

This is what i can't accept for the moment. I hate LOST more than anything. I made a promise to Kautsar and Hani back when we're student. Remember that we said, we will hang out together even if we're married? and our children will play together while we chat and chat?

Forget the married state.. I'm not even engaged and we still facing hard times meeting each other. We're constantly busy as students and our life doesn't revolve around our perfect happy world anymore. But i guess, we can't measure friendship with distance. And distance will always make our hearts grow fonder. i heart u babes!

****

these moodswings are playing harsh on me. I won't get out of the room. Filling the silence gap by reading "Breaking Dawn" and all the Harry Potter series..

I feel so sick, of reading, surfing, sleeping.. as much as i want to have a break from medic-student-life, there's a part of me aching to get back to Cairo as soon as i can. But a small, dominant part of me prefered to stay, regardless of how bored i am being home.

i-am-losing-my-sanity-due-to-severe-massive-boredom!

oh adekku~

2009-08-09T00:34:00.012+08:00

i was looking through the folders in my pc to clean up, then i found my lil bro's stuff.. okay..it's immoral to peek his files but i'm curious okayy~.. guess what i found? His essay to MISC..and please take note that my brother applied for the scholarship.. lets read together..
and u are excused to laugh as much as u can.. cause u noe i did..LOL!

WHY I WANT TO BE A SHIP CAPTAIN

[IF I SUCCEED THE INTERVIEW]

"I want to be a Ship Captain when I grow up because its a fun job and easy to do. Captains don't need much school education;yeah right~ captain butahuruf mmg sgt2 diperlukan sekarang they just have to learn numbers so they can read instruments.

I guess they should be able to read maps so they won't get lost. oh i see.. read maps atas laut ek?? Captains should be brave so they won't be scared if its foggy and they can't see; or if the propeller falls off they should stay calm so they know what to do. Captains have to have eyes to seethrough the clouds tgk cloud buat ape? cari bintang la adek oiii and they can't be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are closer to them than we are.gelakgelakgelak

The salary that Captains make is another thing I like.i knew it! mateduitan!!!! They make more money more than they can spend. This is because most people think handling ships is dangerous, except captains, because they know how easy it is. oh yeah! mmg easy sangat~

There isn't much I don't like, except girls like captains and all the girls want to marry a captain so they always have to chase them away so they won't bother them.bajet hot stuff ea?? mak aii.. kejar hotchicks~

I hope I don't get sea sick because I get car sick and if I get sea sick, Icould not be a Captain and then I would have problem to go out and work." oh yes! i think you're in big problem now!

now i'm really.. really REALLY curious on how he got through the selection..adeh wat malu i jek.. oh, mmg nk kene cepuk bdk sekor nih T__T!

dream on

2009-08-08T15:25:00.005+08:00

I'm sittin' here all by myself

just tryin' to think of something to do

Tryin' to think of something, anything

just to keep me from thinking of you

But you know it's not working out'

cause you're all that's on my mind

One thought of you is all it takes

to leave the rest of the world behind

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did

And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did

And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did

And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself

that you're not the one for me

But the more I think, the less I believe it

and the more I want you here with me

ohWell I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did

And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did

And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did

And you didn't mean to love me back

I know it's not the smartest thing to do

we just can't seem to get it right

But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight (one more chance tonight)

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar

But with all my inspiration gone it's not gettin' me very far

I look around my room and everything

I see reminds me of you

Oh please, baby won't you take my hand

we've got nothing left to prove

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did

And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did

And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did

And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

lonely september- plain white t's-

and now what?...

Kahwin tu bukan Nikah je

2009-08-06T00:04:00.006+08:00

20 mins before lightoff kat bilik ak ni.. saje nak ngade2 post tajuk hotstuff.. keh3.. tiru macam sein~

semalam masa lunch kat Anjung Keli, kawan baba dtg n sembang2 le.. alah.. random stuffs.. pastu tetiba dy terpandang me..

"ini, anak sulung yg kat mesir tu ke?"

"ya, yang nilaah"

"wah, umur brapa ni?"

me at this moment like tersengih-sengih mcm maniac

"20"

wah, sedap je baba round off umur ak camtu ek

*batuk*

"kalau zaman pakcik dulu, 20 dh ada anak sorang"

sengih but this time plus tersedak

tensen jadi anak pompuan sulung ni.. tak abes-abes isu.. kawen awal.. of course la mama jeling je.. pergh.. nk maut ke kawen time blaja.. my dad mcm no hal je.. well, the fact that my dad is azharian, quite a bit changes his POV on early marriage. But, we talked about this long before i went to Egypt and the overall decision was to say YES, only if someone "berjenis" come to propose.. ah, jgn tny ak, ape dia berjenis tu pon mama je yg tawu.. hik3

adoii.. asek2 cerita kawen.. later lah kayh? dh umur 24 ke ak cari lah..klau mama tny dah ad sesape ke? nk jawab ape.. standard jawapan Anak-Anak Perempuan Gemilang Terbilang Cemerlang Kebangsaan >> "TAKDA, MA"

betollah tu xde.. ingat senang nk cari calon.. kang kene lecture plak pasal calon suami idaman malaya ngn baba kang tak ke haru.. uish.. malas tol lah.. i'm only 19.. marriage is situated looooooooooooooooowww in my to-do list.. what's the point? dah la klau kawen time blaja x grand kan? yela.. nnt dah.keje and de duit sket.. MR. pon da ade keje tetap.. bleh la wat havoc sket.. *blink* blink~

tho, i'm thinking of changing my status 3rd year nnt? how about that ma, ba? hahaha.. wohoho.. bahayebahaye... kene kejar satu kampung ak nnt~

oh, ye.. baba kate my MR. kene boleh jadi imam+bilal+qari.. and mama kate..keje mesti stable+cash+car+lovable.. mr bro kate mesti handsome+adorable+gilebola.. my sis kate handsome, klau x tanak ngaku in law.. .. mcm ni ak kena kawen Edward Cullen versi islamik lah kot..

AND.. i say.. saye nk wedding ring macam ni.... bleh ke mr hubby-to-be? [ntah sape pon i dunno lagi..SS sudah~]

ala.. kawen kan seumur hidup sekali je.. sila kumpul duit dari sekarang ye

it feels like forever

2009-08-05T13:17:00.004+08:00

but it's not. and how am i going to handle that? *sigh

nasib baik tak...

2009-08-04T13:36:00.002+08:00

pagi td fon rumah bnyi time tgh ralit on9, mula2 ingt malas nk angkat.. tp dy asek bnyi x henti2.. tensen gak.. so berlari-lari turun bawah.. ntah macam mana tersalah langkah.. jatuh kat tangga T-T.. lebam kaki..

bkn first time jatuh kat sana sini.. masa kat mesir dulu, tgh cuci baju.. ntah macam mn paip drain washing machine tu terbukak.. abes air sabun melimpah dlm bilik air.. dah kelam kabut takut air masuk bedroom.. terus lari nk pasang balik.. apalagi, tergelincir kat situ, siap terhentak pinggang kat bath tub lg.. lebam.. T-T

pastu ingt lagi rai cakap.. naseb baik x pregnant. T_T~! adoiii clumsy sungguh Cik Syaimaa' ni..

deadly in love

2009-08-04T00:48:00.009+08:00

love is differences

to truly love someone means to understand this

to be loved by someone means to respect this

~sometimes i feel like an idiot waiting and wanting for u, somet ime i would feel glad just to have u,sometimes i feel like u are my future, never past, but sometimes it was entirely foolish to even dream about it.. i don't know what tomorrow holds for us.. for far or near.. i'm just glad that u're here now.i luv u~

***

oh crap, jiwang.. i think i'm falling in love with these.. yes,yes, love at first sight.. cakap sajalah kau gila pink stuff kan senang..

yg tengah niiii

mcm fon arda kn? haha.. dear, i always adore ur fon lah darling

yg paling kewl-nyer.. check this out

"You just simply end the call or snooze it with a wave of your hand over the screen!!!"

awe! yela i know.. these was like stone age pny models kan.. tp i don't care.. pink is sweet.. forget about touchscreens and iphones.. nnt bile aku kaya aku beli lah sepuluh ke kan? the best thing is it's scratch-proof.. thank God.. that's all i need to hear.. with a clumsy owner like me, God knows what can happen to you.. tho i'm fragile..lalallaa phone lame i pon like retak sane sini.. ganaz kott.. takpe2 t707 when i got my hands on u, i belai2 u k? jangan takoot~ heee~

i wonder how much it'll cost me? hurm

today

2009-08-03T16:10:00.003+08:00

Tatahu nk update ape.. agaknya dh gian mengupdate... hari2 mesti maw update jg.. i got my upax number today.. senang sket kan? ntah ape yg senang ntah..senang nk gayut kot.. LoL

So, i'm planning to get a new phone.. masa mula2 ckp kat mama, dlm kete.. dy tny nk g mana ni?.. selamba je ckp.. "beli phone~" and she was like.. WHAT??!! and i go hehehe~ :P
mmg la the main idea was to have 2 phones.. one for my etisalat number i mean in egypt and the other one is for my celcom number.. nnt phone rosak klau asek tukar2 sim.. lg plk, it's easier nk contact malaysia, just msg me and i'll call u back.. simple kan?

Tp ssb dh terbiasa duduk mesir and all the decision i don't discuss with anyone, my sudden plan to get a new phone made my mom terjegil kejap.. and yes.. she don't even know how much cash i brought back from Egypt.. pasti kena WHAT??!! lagi kan? hehehe~

Siap2 pakai baju my mom pass kunci kete, i tgk buat2 dunno je..

"nah!"

"nape ma?"

"u drive.."

"eii.. tanak.. tanak"

For some uncertain reasons i found driving isn't fun anymore.. tggu lah, bile dh beli kete sendiri.. nk hentam divider 40x pon xde hal.. IT'S MINE! malas nk bwk da.. grand livina pny lah sedap nk drive.. smooth je.. pgg sebelah tgn pon still bleh steer.. tp SAYA MERAJUK DAN BOIKOT DRIVING SELAMA 6 TAHUN. SEKIAN

Ok ok, back the the phone.. sekarang problem nye.. i don't know, which one to buy.. iphone is sooooooo tempting.. but it's too pricey and i don't think a student like me is qualified for that.. tggu jd DR nnt baru mahu act kayakayan ok? aduh, sume phone x cantik, and x memikat mcm iphone.. N97 pon ssh nk jaga and handle.. so tataw nk beli ape.. i wish my lil bro is here. Dy paling pakar klau bab gadgets nih.. tgk la esk macam mn..

***

btw a friend of mine is in les miserables.. i dunno what's his problem is.. it's normal tho, for a guy to keep what ever problem they had.. but sometimes it makes me sad.. no matter what i do, i can't lift the burden away from you.. being supportive is never great. entahlah.. maybe i'm over sensitive.. and it's normal too for a friend especially girl, sbb mereka ini overprotective of friend to act like they care.. but it may spark fire..miscommunication akn selalu berlaku.. susah la kn? I could not be thankful enough for the book that i read.. baru dpt faham.. and i never fight until today..cess berlagak, baru brape bulan.. ha-ha-ha siap boleh tny lg npe kite x penah gaduh ek?

to Mr Friend-of-mine ----->>

to every problem there is a way out.. so, hopefully you'll get over of what you had.. and be strong and happy!

sedih okayy

2009-08-02T14:49:00.003+08:00

tak tahulah, kenapa nk sedih sngt
planning sume hancur berkecai
tetiba terpandang countdown kt sebelah ni
1 month 4 weeks left

tup, tup, dh nk ramadhan
then raya.. pastu balik
to my lonely house kat sayeda zainab tu..
Beit Iffah

nama rumah tu pon dh bleh wat i nanges..
4 org cadangkn.. tp yg tinggal, i sorg je dlm tu nnt
rasa nk tukar..
entahlah.. nnt nk tny future residents..

bilik bersepah
buku head and neck x baca lagi
tadi ad someone tego tny pasal coronary circulation
the fact that i kena buka balik buku
buatkan i feel like bakal doktor yg amat hampeh

entahlah, sume x kena
bnyk kot keje blom settle

eye check up blom buat..
n for no reason
mata dah bengkak n makin sepet
plus irritated sket..
hsbc pny account blom kemas kini
insurance, card yg kena blocked
list barang utk junior x siap
laptop blom bawak kedai utk upgrade

barang nak bawak balik sana blom cari lg
undone hair cut
muqarror cuti yg tergendala
langkawi trip..
gile jeles tgk yen mad ngn fizi
rs nk lempang je.. tolong la jgn show off FIMA pny pic.
jeles to the MAX
arghhh

dua tiga ari ni asek nk cari modal je buat gaduh
dah la super ramai org buzz2 kat ym
mmg i adore u all
tp
kdg2 ad sket rasa sesak
lagi plk time2 x ok ngn mr. x
ade plak menambah spice and pepper
lagi panas hati

entahlah..
terasa sesak
sedih kot
i wonder y patut jd macam ni

super sedih
:(
:(
:(

random

2009-08-01T18:39:00.004+08:00

it rains again today.. rainy day always make me feel a bit cranky +plus sleepy all day.. supposed i'm planning something for his b'day.. dunno lah.. hope he's not as cranky as i am today.. dulu masa bday arda pon i'm pretty upset..seriously Syaimaa, u shud stop making this attitude on someone's best day.. rosak majlis saje.. sorry dear T-T! i tak tahu nk buat mcm mn dah

i wonder why all my plans went loco.. like i want to revise next year's subject.. but i waited 3 weeks to shop for notebooks and all.. i noe.. i noe.. lousy2~ excuses.

Second year is gonna be challenging.. i got a lot to prove to my profs but instead of studying now, i go lepak all day long.. dunno what went wrong, this super malas mode is not going to take me anywhere.. nk beli hair brush pon kirim dkt my sis yg kuar td.. lazy bum tol!

one thing for sure I'm not malas when it comes to shopping, pusing satu midvalley pon bertenaga.. mmg typical girl seriously, shopping lift my mood.. i feel extremely happy.. best therapy? yes YOU ARE SO DAMN RIGHT!!~ but after the shopping, you might regret a bit.. but you always2 tell yourself.. this is an investment.. lalala~ this is sooo ayat rebecca bloomwood, oh no, aku shopaholics kah?

well, i got myself a santa barbara polo & racquet club wedges ... their stilettoes are nice.. tp superb punya saket kaki, beauty is pain? whatever~, H&M cardigan, voir black slack tousers.. (this one i'm pretty vague of why i bought one.. it's not like i'm going for an interview or what so ever..ish3) toms girl shirts.. oh-this-list-is-not-going-to-end.. seganlah..so,let's stop! gila best dpt round2 kedai.. but happy times are over.
Now i'm just flipping magazines on my bed, hoping some cash would drop from the roof and a brand new car i might add..patah kaki nk jalan2~T-T!

**bile lah nk dpt lesen dr mama nk drive? hmmm.. rindu driving alone.. and the mogok continues

tale of pacat n langsat

2009-07-31T21:42:00.012+08:00

Just when i said, i haven't jejak tanah for like a week.. my mom kinda force me to go out for fresh air.. destination? my dad's dusun... ergghhh.. and u noe, it rained last two days.. it was superduper wet.. and slippery.. (my dad's dusun is at wang tepus, which is like bukit-bukit..)

i fell 4 time and got mud all over my shirt and pant.. a week of no tanah huh? u got it all over the body now.. ha -ha -ha

My cousin climbed to get the Duku and i was the one picking them falling (read; raining) from the tree.. i can't hardly count how many Duku fell onto my head.. that little rascal~! eisshhh.. sakit taw x!! i guess i'm no hutan material.. i wish u cud see my mom hiking all the way up and into the scary bushes well.. pacat are scary, aren't they? yg penting i takut okayhh kejam punya blood sucker.. klau edward si vampire i wudn't mind lah~ LoL

While my mom do the hiking and picking up langsat and duku, i went on babbling about how it is easy to just buy them at the market and yada yada yadaaa i think my mom had fun doing so, that she just ignored me.. maw kene penampar sulung klau asek bebel-bebel time org letih nih..

Well, in the end of the day, i got bruised leg from falling into the bushes, a cut at my foot, several mosquito bites.. and a-not-looking-good arm of scratches.. and not to mention.. my manicured and polished nails... wahahaha.. penat jaga tgn.. last2 calar-balar gak masuk hutan..amek ko

here are some piccas.. forgive me for the not-so-brilliant pics.. hell0~ sape nk bwk dslr masuk hutan kan? tho ak xde pon camera alah tu.. nokia cikai ada.. lalala

okayy.. gmbr pembukaan yg burokss.. wat evs

see that? that's my cousin up the tree.. n my sis

who say m'sia is not a beauty? i curse u!

when a future doc climbs a tree, who dare to say.. it's dangerous? lalala

ulin nuha is scared of whatever behind the bushes.. me too lah darling

taking a grand livina into the dusun is sooo not a great idea.. and my supercool dad drived it like it is on highway.. let's get a Navara la baba..

adios~

***

*lari topic jap.. long distance relationship is really hard, no? i noe..it's been like 5 months only but until now we never fight, why start now? ish.. i noe ur tensed but forgive me.. i dunno wut to do.. y don't u tell me?

and mr Leo.. happy birthday.. too bad i can't give u anymore surprises.. just a plain tulus wishes..

ughhhh

2009-07-31T14:21:00.003+08:00

dah namenye pon cuti..

x buat apape..

kalau ada skala bosan dah sampai tahap maximum..

meletup sudah..

tgk blog org

pastu klik blog sendiri

betapa x ilmiahnye

dah la xde org dtg

ah.. wat evss

blog sy bkn hot stuff..

kisah ape

tp yg pelik

klau ad post kontrovesi je

dtg berduyun-duyun

tawu plak?

ntah mana muncul ntah

btw.. ari ni cukup seminggu x jejak tanah kat luar tu

amacam?

cool tak?

betul x ni?

2009-07-30T13:29:00.002+08:00

semlm, sesaja jalan2 blog org.. ntah mcm mn terjumpa blog akak sorng ni.. maybe sis dr mansurah.. dh kawen! seryes.. and... ad baby 8 months.. comelnyerrr.. jeles kot sekejap..

isu kawen2 ni, kat oversea org dh x persoalkan dah.. mcm kebiasaan.. kak ateeq pon dh pregnant.. balik cuti ni lg 2 org kawen.. me?

ntah.. xnak kot.. calon pon xde.. tp soal jodoh di tgn Tuhan.. kdg2 dtg x disangka-sangka.. tp sebolehnya.. pendirian sy nk tamatkan tahun pengajian..klau nk bertunang dlm tempoh study tu xpe lg kot.. teringat kata2 ustzh nadzirah..

"hidup ni macam cycle... ade step2 ats cycle tu yg patut kita ikut.. bila nk belajar, bila nk kawen, nk jd ibu.. klau kita skip salah satu step dlm cycle tu, nk patah balik bkn mudah.. so baik ikut steps dy dgn betul"

bkn nk attack individu yg dh skip2 cycle tu.. tp ikut kemampuan diri.. agak sy ni x mampu nk jd mcm diorang.. mmg lah seronok.. berdua dgn izin syarak, ad teman lagi2 pulak kat negara org.. tp entah.. sy klau boleh nk ikut steps tu..

tp pantang tgk baby, geram sggh.. balik je KL aritu terus serbu Aiman Zharif.. tgh lena pon, bleh sy cium2 siap angkat dukung.. terasa mcm nk sorang.. hak3~ merepek da

*sesape kat imarah tu rasa nk kawen silakan lah ye.. pastu bg i baby sit anak korang..yes!

sweetie pie attack!

2009-07-29T20:09:00.002+08:00

not in the greatest mood..

i always.. always got jealous for no reasons

but

sometimes the reason is clear

i noe i said.. it's okay

but naaahh..

it's NOT okayyyy

the girl got brown eyes

silky white flawless face

and super skinny legs

how can i stay calm?

and i noe.. things are great between us

we're never fight yet

when i'm mad

u know how to cool me down

when u're sad

i always respect ur cave and ur space

we get along just well

but please don't make me mad

i am pretty jealous

and i'm sure u noe it too

1234iheartu

...

2009-07-28T17:36:00.002+08:00

BACKING OFF AND MOVING FORWARD

bosan teramat cuti ni.. tahun depan, mmg confirm tanak balik awal kecuali klau ade emergency case..

***

i was thinking to shut off my blog.. but it's not fair.. too many people know my blog.. and just because i don't want that particular person to read it.. so i decide to keep it.. but i don't think for long... for some reason i found my blog is a bit troublesome for meemotionally speaking..... but i am going to have another blog to scribble my personal thoughts and i'm not telling you guys... lalalala~

my ex-classmates and I had a great time together during the gathering.. i'm not really in the mood to tell everything.. we had lunch and then went for a bowling match.. that was it.. doesn't sound that fun huh? i noe.. i'm not that great in story-telling i guess.. i'll narrate along with the pictures later.. hopefully soon..

btw, all the piccas were in akmal harith's phone.. so i can't say much about it.. maybe next time i'll upload it..

imissusomuch

2009-07-20T22:36:00.006+08:00

Mungkin korang tertanya-tanya or not~ kemana tuan punya blog menghilang seminggu ni.. like i said, busy jaga anak-anak. sekarang mak tok bdk2 ni dh balik, so derang x dtg lg dh sini.. tamat la tempoh mengasuh sy.. tp rinduuuuu sgt2 kat syamel tu.. rindu dodoi2 dy.. rindu suap nasi kat dy.. rindu bau mashem2 susu ngn lotion baby dy... arghhh maklong rindu awaklah!..

Pastu, skang baru balik dr seremban.. actually antar my lil bro pegi ALAM kat melaka nuh.. aii.. umah sunyi xde dy.. smart gak adek ak tuh.. bangge lak tgk derang pakai uniform deck cadet tu.. huhu... future captain oii~ tp mmg sunyi la.. mlm2 xdela dgr bnyi motor lg dh.. aiiii..

Kat seremban, tido umah cousin sy.. dy baru lepas bersalin.. baby aiman zharif.. lame x pegang newborn baby.. dh dpt tanak lepas lak... comeiiii sgt... nk jugakkkk... sepupu2 sume dh anak dua.. yg latest pon dh ade anak.. uwaaa... turn sy lambat lg, tp x thn tgk baby kecik2 tu.. rs cam nk amek je sorng.. kan2??

My ksm demam plak.. td call pon tgh tido, serak2.. kesian plak dgr.. sabar yek.. naseb baik cuti.. haiii.. dah balik umah ni bosan la plk.. xde geng nk wat gadoh2...

conclusion? i miss u so much! muah~!

xoxo

ciao~

oh ye.. rindu katil queen size tido sorng yg besar dh selesa ni.. hak3.. seminggu x dpt lena sbb rindu kat bilik n katilku~~

yay!!!

.:day 1:.

2009-07-13T18:52:00.009+08:00

kakak sofea yg mcmmcm ada~

haa! i caught you in action..

baru je lepas mandi dh comot

titon~

panjat-panjat

1st day jd babysitter.. abah dy bwk dtg pkl 8..explain satu2, ubat itu..ubat ini..camne nk bancuh susu lah ape lahh.. aii.. bancuh susu pon dh blurr.. adek dah besar2 kott~ dahla dok mamai2 lg.. yup, smlm pkul 4 bru dpt tido.. bkn jet lag.. dh terbiasa plk tido lmbat2.. hish..

Mula2 mmg la best jage bdk2 ni.. sampai2 je.."mak looooonng~" siap dgn gaya manja.. yg si adek tu pon..2x5 senyuman bodek baeek punya~ baru2 sampai, x reti nk buas lg.. elok dh duduk setengah jam.. mula dah~ nk usik sana usik sini.. last2 kasi je tido.. dodoi pny dodoi last2 kita plak yg terlelap.. hampeh~

Nk jaga budak2 ni mmg kena s.a.b.a.r baaaannnyyyaakkk2~ kita sebok suapkan adik dy makan, kakak dy sepahkan pinggan kat sebelah.. elok adek merengek, kakak dy pulak main lipstik sampai merah muka.. bagi kakak dy makan pulak, adek tanak duduk dah, sbb panas badan.. pusing jap tgk adek, bila alih tgk si kakaknya pula.. dh sepah nasi atas lantai..

geleng kepala jelaa aku~

Yg adik asek kutip sampah, masuk dlm mulut.. asal x pandang je.. ade lah keje dy tu.. panjat sana.. panjat sini.. aiii.. kan berlebam badan tu.. mcm mn nk menjawab ngn mak abah dy~ aiyoo..

mujur adek sy yg kecik skali tu balik awal jgk.. bleh main2 dgn sofea.. xdela nk kacau2 sgt.. ooh silap sama sekali.. berkomplot dua2 org tu, buat projek.. kita dok mandikan adek dy kat bawah.. naik je atas.. ya Rabbii.. bersepah bilik akuuu~ mcm kena tsunami.. warghhhh..

last2 biar je si kecik tu kat mama.. lepak kat atas~ tido! aduii penat2..

baru sehari.. tu pon.. tlg jage je.. masak mama buat.. mujur jgk si adek tu demam2 pon x nanges2.. klau tidak migrain le maklong kau ni haa..

Bukan Dirimu

2009-07-12T00:51:00.005+08:00

Setelah kupahami aku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata hanya Dia yang mengerti aku
Bukanlah dirimu

Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila aku menjadi bisu kepada dirimu
Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas ‘tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku..

Walau ku masih mencintaimu
Ku harus meninggalkanmu
Ku harus melupakanmu

Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani menginginkanmu
Ku harus melepaskanmu

Dan hanya Dialah
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku
Ternyata Pemilikku
Yang sanggup memilihku
Yang setia mendengar doaku
Bukanlah dirimu

***

.. jika kita cinta kepada manusia, belum tentu manusia akan cinta pada kita..

tapi jika kita cinta Allah, cintaNya tiada berpenghujung

...jika kita cinta kepada manusia, kita akan cemburu kepada orang yg mencintai orang yg kita cintai

tapi jika kita cinta Allah, kita akan turut cinta pada dia yg melabuhkan cintanya kepada Allah..

-aminah qutb-

-pemilik cinta ku setelah Allah dan rasul..-

my so-called-tour~

2009-07-11T15:51:00.005+08:00

elopzz folks! my parents just gave me the green light to go tour langkawi, without a chaperon..

"just go with your friends"

i swear, i'd like to leap of joy, but the problem is.. tho langkawi is just a breath away, i got no one to join me.. I planned with anah and ume, but now anah has a lot of things to do.. and our schedules were like clashing each other. Now what? i've been on this trip plan like agesssss... and to know that it might not happening really kills me.. ouhh.. freaking sad!

oh godddd.. i'm so bored.. please anyone [by anyone, i actually mean those who just got a 3 month ticket to boredom a.k.a Cairo medic students ] i invite you to join me.. i'm planning a group trip. maybe around 20-30th july.. it's gonna be langkawi and payar island... and you know Ramadhan is coming.. please, please, please....

just give me a call or buzz me via YM.. okayh? and we can deal the plan~

***

and welcome little boy~

kak dah's newborn son..

a.k.a

my new sweetheart

maklong will see you soon.. little sweetheart~

muaaaaah!

cranky!

2009-07-10T15:48:00.005+08:00

I guess by now.. everyone who are close to me knows how sensitive, easily touched and emotional person i am.. yes it's only a few hours after the result announcement, and yet tonnes of people annoyed me.. effing not-cool okayh?!! yes.. i'm at my highly irritable point and you screwed it up? what the?? are u trying to grill me up?

I noe i'm not fit to be a medical student.. and hell yes i know my bars well.. why would you say such things to me.. i did not request to become a malfunctioned EXKISASIAN.. i have no idea you look up so high to us, we're human after all..KISASIAN are not trained cyborg which functions to be tip top student in everything...
and I am so not like the streaming classes student.. I got that message long before you're even born!! so no need to remind me.. of how screwed up individual I AM!! just stop it already..

I am proud of myself.. i survived every hard bumps of my life..and i manage to stand back on my feet after the fall..and.. i noe i did not do well in my first year.. I BLAME myself.. YOU on the other hand have no right to jump infront of me and blame me as well.. got it? NO RIGHT at all..
I am totally frustrated with myself.. and i don't need another reason to be mad to myself anymore.. i noe.. i'm not that great, but i understood it well and trying my best to become one.. so what is your damage??

Speaking of damage.. my Nissan bluebird broke down yesterday.. and i only know that like... TODAY!!!! shoot man! gosh, i was planning to go everywhere with it.. now that mom won't let me touch the new shining Grand Livina..and i doubt my ability to drive an MPV.. urgghhhh.. my car.. why are you soo.. noxious to me.. be nice!!!!! am i suggested to ride a bicycle to Umai's place next week?

Then i got into fight with my bro.. yep, the car thingy again.. he got his bike..just dwell with it... don't touch that car!! and.. what am i supposed to do now? fix the car? if it's like only hundreds i can manage, but thousand.. oh yeah.. little bluebird, you are so going to sleep for good in the garage.. there is no way i'm going to do anything about you now...

And my plan to Langkawi also faced a hault.. and the reunion too.. and u.. what's wrong with us.. i'm back here.. and we were like not talking anymore? husshh.. i hate today very much. hello~ "warm" summer break

tq

kendurikendara

2009-07-09T21:18:00.003+08:00

Arini kenduri kat umah, dari semalam berbau bawang dan cili kering sampai ke hari kenduri.. haih, xdek can ak melaram lngsung, jd bibik lak aii~ yg bestnye dpt jumpe sepupu sepapat, sedap nyer makan puji~

"aii, along dh cerah sket.. muka cam minah arab"

sengihorg jage kulitlah pak chu~

"amboi, tgginye.. koii comeii ank dara mak ngah"

hakhakhak well~ mmg i slalu comei pon~

"awat makin kuruiih?"

lol~ cess.. ini pujiankah? tahniah perdesk~

" segaknya~..x lama bulih menantu lak tokngah"

ini sudeh lebey~ baru tahun satu maw menantu kah? sori le babah, calon kalah tanpa bertanding T_T

"eh, ini kakak kah? laah, dok ingt achik td"

perghh.. muka mantain muda..

apape hal pon.. mmg kebas gak pinggang angkat pinggan sana, alih periuk sini.. ish.. beliau yg masuk U i plk yg menderita.. sengat pnya adek..

........

ini pulak kekasih hati sy.. syamil afiq.. rinduu sgt2. dr bleh merangkak skang balik dh berlari

naseb baik x fobia tgk maklong.. rindu ke yg? :D

*anyhow, kenduri ape? adek sy dpt masuk ALAM, under scholar MISC.. x lama lg jd org laut lah adek sy yg laki sorg nih.. sume org asek doubt je.. ye la ank laki sorg tu je, hantar pulak keje laut.. xpe kah? i say, janji dy ade matlamat hidup tu dh kira ok.. drpd dulu nk jadi pemain bola sepak handalan.. seriat jgk darah mendengarnye.. dlm bnyk2 cita2 pemain bola sepak dy nak jadi?? adoii.. syukur ubah fikiran.. klau x makan bola anak sedare ak nnt~ huhu

men vs women

2009-07-09T01:50:00.003+08:00

i found out i got bored only after 24 hours after my flight back from Cairo, so i went to Popular bookstore to stock up books.. and........i found this...

everyone had been talking about this,like so sooooo long ago....but back then, i wasn't so interested in that particular book... until i got a lot of conflicts with young men, it was like talking with different languages.. none would ever understood..

Yes.. thanks to Dr John Gray, i understood everything, every theory he purposed make senses.. it was true all along.. the cave and the 'talk'....

T.R.U.E

everything is true.. now i know how to cope with them theory only~ i guess men and women would never go eye to eye in anything... but this is what completes us.. this differences is a blessing.. 1 + 1 is always 2 never back to 1..

i am blessed to know about the cave.. hey, i respected u

xoxo

dari kacamata aku yang baru

2009-07-06T20:52:00.003+08:00

hari ni keluar rumah kejap.. pegi tesco alor star.. utk kenduri adek khamis ni.. sepanjang kat tesco tu sy asek gelak2 je.. jap lg ade jgk yg cap ak gile.. macam2 trend manusia skang ek.. malaysia haven't change much since i left.. maybe sbb x biasa tgk.. atau lama sgt dh tggl prangai melayu.. rs kelakar pulak tgk org melayu.. klau kat egypt, rs hati tetiba nk kutuk terus keluar je bhs melayu.. hey xde org faham k~ haha kat sini? gelak sorg2 jela..

macam2 prangai.. ok dressing? ade yg gothic, gedik,yg bajet cun, yg mak datin.fesyen pacak tudung ats kepala.. tgk2 sekeliling perghh sume sepesyen.. same je..tuka la weyh~ . ak paling anti mak2 datin nih.. mintak jauh le dr dpt mak mentua ala2 datin.. fuh.. fatal ak nk bersiap jd menantu~ eh jap ade calon anak dato' ke??

entah kenapa kdg2 rasa meluat dgn bangsa sendiri, klau ad yg ramah ok la.. tp klau tak kalah arab derang punya E.G.O x larat nk hadap.. cakap terima kasih pon tak berbalas, arab tu sekasar-kasar dy pon, bila cakap syukran dy tibai gak afwan walaupun muke keras semacam... haish melayuku mudah lupa.. ntah mana tah bazir duit buat kempen budi bahasa...

lagi x bleh blah budak pompuan zaman skang, muke melayu, name tag melayu. rambut? kalah j.lo ckp selit2 bahasa inggeris, padahal grammar ke laut mati. nk kutuk x bleh, gelak lagi ak terkekeh-kekeh kat Mall tu..

"kak, mintak lalu kak"~

sy usha atas bawah.. akak?? woii... sedap kau je.. gelak lagi.. pecah perut dok gelak2 sepanjang hari.. wah.. malaysiaku memang 'indah'..

wahai perlembahan Nil, walaupun kau panas dan berdebu, dengarkan lah aku rindu~

sebelum itu..

2009-07-04T22:36:00.009+08:00

syazni and syakirah

Timb. Pengarah Dinner MEP08.. opss ex dh.. (kes poyo)

Malam sebelum smpai tu, sy ad dinner. Grand Dinner MEP08. Agk kelam kabut sbb persiapan suma terpaksa dibuat last minute. yela bdk medic ad ke masa nk buat sume keje on time. lg pulak Finals smpai 3 bulan, so agak huru hara, tp pandai nye AJK cover2.. huhu.. Tahniah le..

apapon terima kasih kpd barisan ajk yg terpaksa bertungkus lumut saat2 akhir.

Ajk yg pakai heels pon terpaksa berlari sana sini.. balik urut kaki ke kak? haha~

Sehari suntuk tanpa rehat, berpanas dari Sayeda ke Mounira pastu gegas ke Manial, then ke Alsaraya, pastu patah balik Sayeda, lari balik Alsaraya. Rasa nk putus nafas jap.. Alhamdulillah Dinner lancar. Yg tak bestnye.. kena duduk meja VIP.. berkelip2 mata taktahu nk sembang ape.. last2 cte bini dua juga yg kuar.. terkekeh-kekeh tahan gelak.. control ayu konon~ wargh.. x dpt mkn aku...T_T.. atleast ajk len ad yg x dpt mkn sgt jgk.. majlis blom habes. more piccas here.. yen sila bayar ak promote ko nih

Balik rumah ter'pengsan' sampai subuh.,. bgn2 je terus basuh baju mop lantai.Rumah akn ditinggalkan.. terpaksa kemas2.

Dari Cairo Airport sampai KLIA berteman.. sampai KLIA.. merayau-rayau sorg.. smpailah nuha sampai bwk wani, kinah, and maryam. Makan2 jap first time jumpe air soya.. sedap gilerrr!!

Derang balik pkl 6.. pkl 8 flight.. dua jam merayau-rayau lg.. cewah.. bangge lak ak check in, boarding sorang2.. haih.. bosan taw..

apepon dh selamat sampai.. skang rase rindu plak kat 'condo' beit iffah ku..

paling best skang tak payah masak

emirates best woo..ade forward camera dgn downward view, jd pilot jap..

kat Dubai.. transit jap..

esok nak buat apa ek? hurmmm....

DAH SAMPAI!

2009-07-04T01:15:00.002+08:00

Dh smpai mesia..

tp jet lag x abes lg

saya mahu tido puas2..

katil besar dan sejuk

ngeh3..

esk test kepakaran mendrive kete balik

adeh..

dh kena perintah larangan mendekati grand livina berkilat tu

haih..

gatai tgn nk pegang steering baru tuh..

skang mahu berhibernasi..

pening kepala siang malam yg bercelaru

arghhh

B.O.S.A.N

hilang

2009-07-01T07:41:00.002+08:00

men'hilang'kan diri
supaya saya sedar
supaya saya mahu
supaya saya ingat
rupanya
kamu yang saya mahu

men'diam'kan diri
supaya kamu sedar
supaya kamu lupa
supaya kamu pergi
rupanya
saya yang tak mahu beredar

menjadi 'bisu'
supaya saya tidak 'pekak'
dan kamu tidak 'buta'

menjadi diriku
supaya kamu kembali menjadi kamu
hanya kamu

semakin takut nak menerima orang baru dalam hidup. a.k.a ahli-beit baru tahun depan. sementara itu, rumah kosong, bukan sebab takda perabut tp sebab takda 'family'

negara abuk~

2009-06-29T21:57:00.002+08:00

esok.lusa.
balik
ntah apapa.. malas lak nk lepak lama2 dekat KLIA
swine flu
bosan
hish..
lembab pulak nk balik..
cepat lah 3 julai

***
kemas umah dgn barang2
gile abuk

semalam mop
esk debu balik
haish..
penatlah
panas

***
nk gi Husein lg
bagasi dh penuh
sangat PENUH

nk sumbat mane ntah lagi..
eii.. tension

semalam rs nk balik menyengat-yengat
arini rs tanak pulak
esk?

aiii...sy x suka hujung tahun. abes sem je blurr.. 3 bulan tu lame..
nyesal plk x ambek syahadah tu. bleh jgk attach kat hospital kejap..

~maka bermulalah cuti summer saya yang sungguh membosankan~

budak kecik yg manis2~

2009-06-29T03:07:00.003+08:00

distance make the heart grow fonder

so don't be apart. stay until you're bored?
haha

***

sy rindu budak kecik ini..

sy rindu family sy..

sofea rindu maklong dy~
kembang kempis bangge.

ye~ maklong rindu sofea jugak!
xoxo

artificial sweetener

2009-06-28T06:15:00.004+08:00

This is about to be the most ridiculous, non sense, mis sense and totally emotionally driven post ever existed in this entire universe. Yes! another not-so-positive entry from.. wallaah~
ms syaimaa who are slightly (i feel sooo great repeating this...slightly~) worse than syaimaa shayuthy.. I can't believe Dr Abdel Moniem even manage to find a minute point to compare me and her, seriously no JOKE ok? she was like the ultimate medical student any Professor could ever wish for and i'm the... ermm.. uh.. great listener ever but not-so-photograpic memory student? whatever.. i'm way pass the depression period and the inferior issues.. i can finally accept who i am now.. Tho, I don't mean to stay like this forever. This is a wake-up call for me. I will change to who i can be. BETTER i would say in one word.

I don't know what should i feel. Deeply in vague confussion. After a year, do you expect me to be cold as fish? and that the only person i can talk and confide as a sister is not here anymore, would that make me better? a newly-known friend is finally leaving. I can't act stone. I barely even survived the whole year living with strangers. And now i had to counter another year? It was like a double shot at the head. I surely able to cope with the first shot, but another one?

Will i do great on my own? will i be satisfied with what i want? is this even what I WANT in the first place? will i be a happy manipulative senior? most importantly, am i even a good sister to my juniors a.k.a my new housemates? If i'm that great, why would i chase people away from my freaking 'great' life?

Panphobia is the fear of anything. I am panphobic. Being afraid of everything. perfection. disgrace. rejection. acceptance. happy. sadness. life is intermediate. A little too much of anything could turn the balance upside down. Thus, catastrophe. Just be medium. I learnt that being happy is not a choice. It's a responsibilty. You MUST be happy and grateful. Leading life as a mundane person is not healthy. seriously, medically proven... or you want me to repeat the Oral exam again? just take my words.

I can't explain why, i'm not feeling happy now... too much pressure in one single day. I can't handle two lost. Being alone is not my choice, but it's something i can't say anything to it. gosh, i'm crying.. ooo0k~ this is stupid. I don't think i can hold up to any reason for me being a repeller for human comfort when they're close. Whatever it is, I'm sorry that i have low EQ. My emotion control is not my mojo. I'm sorry thay i lose the rationality sometimes.

oh-i-feel-deeply-dejected-and-hurt. but seeing you so happy, i believe you decided the best. I feel sad that you're leaving, but nothing i say is going to change anything. Tq for trying to hang on to me for the whole year. I'm sorry that i'm all emotional, but i thought presence was a comfort and it doesn't turn out ok. Now that, absence also hurted me, please don't take note of anything regarding to me. I obviously a lost soul, who doesn't even know what I need and want.

sorry that this is a depressing post, but hey, i don't have any paper to screw up anymore, so wut evss..~ just wanna be home, be with Him, where unconditional love exist not in fairy tales

*p/s: please don't turn my posts into a controvesy. I said what i need to say. i'm feeling so sick right now.

this is the end to everything

2009-06-27T15:55:00.003+08:00

I just finished my 1st year of medical school today. Feelings? very VERY relieved..
today i put an end to many things in my life,the 1st year , the no-posting hiatus, the waiting, the pessimistic thoughts.

I am sure that i'll put a star mark on my diary for today. I learned a lot of things this year. Most of it are life detemining decisions that i made, and some of which i laid my full heart in it and yet no one knows why or what it is.

Sorry. But there are things that are not meant to be shared with anyone. Not even talking or listening, but the point are conveyed. It's a surprise how life can be simplified by hardly anything but a decent white lie.. tho the truth is almost everything that one needs to be happy and contented.

I'm sorry. sky high metaphor again. surely, no one would get my point. ha-ha. remember? not talking but messages conveyed. thanks for listening, thanks for reading, thanks for talking. thanks for the note. YES. I thanked you. fullstop.

***

perkara yang perlu dibereskan semasa cuti summer 3 bulan:-

Balas dendam tgk House series sampai season 5
Bayar hutang muqorror hafazan yg tergendala akibat finals
Brain Defragmentation.. sudah hilang matlamat nmpkny ak nih~
Tour penang-kedah-perlis. Paid, Anah, Ume.. harap bersedia
Physiology and Anatomy revision for clinical years.
Hospital Attachment.. tp rs nk enjoy dulu kot.. taun depan buat bulih?? hii~
Reunion 508.. jumpe orang-orang Malaysia..
rehat
rehat
rehat
rehat

Now.. 4 hari terakhir di Cairo.. bertungkus- lumus urusan Grand Dinner MEP.. terlalu banyak nak buat. Terasa [pressure. Padahal simple je.. adoii.. symphatic stimulation belum dibuang lgi...~

tamat sudah penantian setahun aku. ^-^! 5 tahun lagi akan menjengah. Seorang dari kita telah kembali kepadaNya, bersama perjuangan nya. Apa akan jadi kepada kita? Dimanakah aku di masa depan? :(

Hanya Dia yg tahu. Doaku semoga jalan ini terbaik untuk kita semua. Ameen.

bukan tautan hati

2009-06-25T23:08:00.005+08:00

kita yang berjalan melintas pelangi
lalu berlari mengejar mentari
dipadang rerumput menghijau
andai datang saifi
kering menanti hari

kita yang melirik dari mata ke hati
mengikat janji, melakar mimpi
laksana setia siang datang sesudah malam,
asalnya putaran alam
sekali Dia berbicara
langit bukan biru lagi

janji ibarat ombak memukul pepasir
sekali menghempas, mengubah pantai
janji yang datang dan bergulung pergi
ibarat buih lautan
ada dan tiada
serupa.

kita yang berpegang tangan
tersenyum bercanda bersama
bagai semalam tiada makna
atau esok tiada harga
dan lusa tiada akhirnya

kita tidak tersurat untuk selamanya bersama
andai esok aku masih di sini
aku pasti tidak bertanya
mengapa aku bukan di sana

bukan jarak itu ukuran ukhwah
bukan jumlah khabar nilai kita
walau bukan tautan hati

`
`
izinkan aku menjadi sahabatmu sampai saat Tuhan berbicara tentang yg lainnya..

ikhlas tapi jauh,
dedikasi utk bakal ex housemates ku, dan mereka-mereka yg amat saya hargai. mereka tahu siapa mereka. tautan hati walau bukan dalam bentuk jodoh dan pertemuan, semoga Allah redha ukhwah yg terbina.

aku ingin mencintaiMu

2009-06-23T05:16:00.002+08:00

sungguh, dalam mekar merah warna-warna cinta..
aku gusar akan keringnya putik muda kuntum Kasih

bila aku dongak pada wajah langit suram,
pada sangkaku mencurah hujan,
membaja segala yang aku impikan
rupanya ada ribut
pada awan berarak hitam
ada noktah.

aku
mahu ke langit
mahu jadi putih

pada hati terlakar gelap hitam
pada wajah teriak sisa semalam

bumi
entah masih mampukah aku pijak?
langit
sudikah dijunjung aku?
Kasih
apakah masih dipelukku?

Tuhan
aku malu

bila sepi. bila sendiri.
bukan Kamu yg aku cari.

Ampunkan aku.

mungkin?

2009-06-18T01:07:00.003+08:00

Biarkanlah saja diriku sendirian tanpamu
Biarkanlah aku merindu sekian lama
Bukan maksud untuk membisu
sepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian
`
( korus )
Mungkinkah bersama dua jiwa ini
Dalam mencari cinta sejati nan suci
Mungkinkah segala derita di jiwa
Akan terubat kini
Biarkanlah saja diriku sepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian
`
( bridge )
Hanya satu pintaku
Sabarlah menanti
Ku kan pulang bersama Cinta...

i noe.. i noe... i closed this blog.. but.. without it i felt so empty.. things aren't working nice these days, but i'll just keep it to myself for now..and believe me.. i started missing things that aren't mine...

and i'm missing chatting with you.. miss updating this little blog daily.. miss joking around facebook.. boy! it takes a lot of effort to be happy isn't it?

rindu sungguh..
wahai blog ku syg.. bersabarlah.. lagi 2 paper yer~

wish me luck!

pemergian

2009-06-11T17:28:00.001+08:00

Kaherah, 11 Jun - 5 pelajar perubatan Kaherah terlibat dalam kemalangan sewaktu pulang dari Ain Sokhna selepas Maghrib malam semalam. Tujuan asal mereka ke sana untuk meninjau tempat sempena Rehlah Gen6 28 Jun ini.Kenderaan yang dinaiki mereka diceritakan terbabas sewaktu cuba memotong sebuah lori akibat hilang kawalan lalu melanggar pembahagi jalan dan terbalik. 3 mangsa yang berada di bahagian belakang cedera parah.

Allahyarham Muhammad Ammar b Zulkifli, meninggal dunia di tempat kejadian manakala 2 lagi cedera parah. Mangsa-mangsa dibawa ke Hospital Suez Al-Am sebelum dihantar ke Hospital Kasr El Ainy kerana kekurangan kemudahan.Abdul Rahman b Ramdzan dilaporkan telah sedarkan diri manakala Akram Abdul Kadir masih koma. Abdul Rahman patah lengan kanan, dan Akram didapati mempunyai darah beku di bahagian otak. Kedua-dua mereka dimasukkan ke bilik pembedahan jam 8 pagi tadi.Jenazah Ammar tiba di Hospital Zahra' Abbasiah pagi tadi untuk diuruskan. Solat jenazah akan diadakan di Dewan Malaysia Abbasiah Kaherah selepas Zohor nanti. Allahyarham akan dihantar pulang ke Malaysia esok pagi.

Mereka yang mempunyai sebarang hutang piutang diharapkan dapat menuntut daripada waris Allahyarham dan dihalalkan segala salah dan silap.2 lagi mangsa, Muhamad Fitri Tokiran dan Saif Jamaluddin hanya mengalami kecederaan ringan dan dibenarkan pulang. Saif masih ditahan di balai polis Suez untuk soal siasat dan akan dibenarkan pulang ke Kaherah tengah hari nanti - mediaPERUBATAN

terakhir

2009-06-09T19:39:00.003+08:00

Penutupan rasmi blog syaimaahmad

Life is Sweet

Penulis dgn ini secara rasmi memberhentikan penulisan entri di blog ini

harap maaf. segala kesulitan amatlah dikesali

notis: sila ambil perhatian alamat web ini mungkin juga akan ditukar atas sebab-sebab peribadi

kepada followers, kemungkinan blog ini kembali aktif pada tarikh 1 julai 2009

Penulis juga ingin memohon maaf atas keterlanjuran kata, ketidaksopanan tatasusila, sepanjang penulisan blog ini, segala kekurangan bukan disengaja. Kepada individu yg terasa hati dgn penulisan ini juga, penulis menyusun 10 jari memohon kemaafan. Penulis akan menghadapi peperiksaan lisan selama sebulan, dan menunggu keputusan peperiksaan akhir tahun, diharap pembaca setia dapat mendoakan kesejahteraan penulis dan rakan-rakan seangkatan. Salam Hormat

because sometimes, life's just get bitter and you just can't make it any sweeter..

farewell for now

pening

2009-06-07T22:21:00.002+08:00

telan 3 biji panadol..[percubaan utk tidur dgn hati yg tenang] terus lelap.. panas.. setiap satu jam bangun. resah.. sngt resah.. esok syafawi.. x prepare lagi.. harap dapat tmpung markah anatomy...berdoa sepenuh jiwa.. sy belum kuat untk dur thanii.. sy tak mahu...doakan sy...

Tuhan, aku sudah bersedia..
ini dugaanMu.. aku siap terima
aku belum kuat, tapi aku tahu
ujianMU hanya bagi mereka yg mampu

`
Tuhan, aku percaya
Engkau bersamauku
setiap jalanMu terbaik untukku
aku takkan persoalkan lagi
Imanku, kekuatanku, keyakinanku
hanya padaMu
aku siap ya Allah...
kurniakan aku ketenangan dan kekuatan
ameen

`
sy juga rindu, rindu seorang teman.. yg mendengar keluhan.. tp sy memang sungguh lemah.. pilu yg tertahan-tahan .. pecah juga bentengnya, dan saat itu..bkn kamu yg berada disini.. lalu aku pasrah.. saat susah, saat gelisah.. hanya Allah temanku.. dengarkanlah.. aku perlu.. aku rindu.. teman itu

.M.A.R.A.H.

2009-06-07T00:38:00.003+08:00

Plan nk paste sajak semalam.. x jd.. terlalu dramatik.. sy tak mahu jadi drama queen.. tapi sumpah.. serabut sana sini.. bukan takat bilik yg bersepah.. meja study macam lepas tsunami.. katil x tuck in.. lantai bersepah.. bkn tanak buat.. tak tahu mana nak start.. mula cari penyapu~ same je macam hidup aku.. akibat bertangguh last2 setambun masalah menghempap.. dh rs nk mati tnggung sorang2.. Ya ALLAH~ kekuatan perlu dicari, ia tak datang sendiri.. huishh entahlah.. bnyk sngt perkara- perkara serabut ni.. sy yg reka... sy yg cari pasal.. sekarang padan muka... tersepit.. terjebak.. ter ape lagi lah.. sekali lagi.. syaimaahmad,
`
serve you right!
`~
maaf.. post ini bakal panjang.. klau kamu mahu, boleh klik [X] awal2
pasal exams, pasal perihal Tahun 2, pasal hidup, pasal konflik dalaman [inferiority], pasal dia.. nk buat apa pasal dia tu? entah.. kekuatan perlu dicari, ia tak datang sendiri.. biar masa yg tentukan.. sy memang serabut... SANGAT.. SANGAT.. noktah

3 bulan cuti.. entah dpt ke tak tammam 3 bulan tu...nauzubillah dr dur thaniii [paper ulangan]...anatomy sangat membunuh, histology juga, eh nanti! physio pon same.. kejap-kejap... biochemistry pon x cukup power punya jawapan.. heh, kan? serabut..

"awak kena jadi org yg organized sikit, Doctors are very professional in nature.. they plan the time, and go with it"

sabar ye akak, insyaAllah.. sy akn organisekan diri. kekuatan perlu dicari, ia tak datang sendiri..

Jadi org yg ade fikrah, ada matlamat.. bknkah sudah jelas.. matlamat sy Mardhatillah.. tp jalan kearah itu tak semudah ayat.. serabut oh serabut...kekuatan perlu dicari, ia tak datang sendiri..

kalau ada org tanya, sy marah siapa? sy marah dengan diri sendiri.. dgn ketidakmampuan sy.. dgn kelemahan sy.. sy benci sungguh diri sy yg lemah ni..

kekuatan perlu dicari, ia tak datang sendiri..

marah sungguh.. jelik.. tp sy masih belum ambil apapa tindakan.. maaf sy bercerita ttg negatif lagi.. ini adalah post positif.. sy sudah sedar diri.. sy mmg adalah serabut.. maka sy akan cuba berubah... kerana ada orang kata....kepada saya..

kekuatan perlu dicari, ia tak datang sendiri..

sy syg kamu, ats sbb yg tak jelas.. tp dosa sy menyayangi kamu lebih dr selayaknya.. sy takut melihat kamu hanyut.. kamu.. bukanlh dalam masa dpan sy, kamu bukanlah yg jelas bg sy, bkn jua yg halal bg sy, adilkah sy risau ttg kamu? gusar mengenang ttg perihal kamu, tanpa sy? yg mana lebih dosa padaNya, meninggalkan kamu dalam dakapan gelap, atau mendekati kamu, lalu sy yg parah menahan hati? doa sy.. sy takkan selamanya ada utk kamu.. kamu perlu mencari DIA utk mencariku.. YaAllah..pertemukan dgn dia yg sempurna.. doa sy.. kalau dia utk sy.yaAllah, jadikanlah dia sempurna bagiku.. klau dia bukan utk sy.. maka sempurnakanlah dia utk dia yg selayaknya.. aku serahkah dia kepadaNya.. semoga hidayah Allah sentiasa milik dia..

coretan serabut dr insan yg serabut... letak laptop.. cari mushaf pink.. semoga tak serabut lagi.. ameen

love, money and ...

2009-06-05T05:53:00.005+08:00

dh lama x berdebate, eventhough lame giler blog sy nih...well~ too many silent readers.. hey peeps.. i need ur opinion here.. let's debate! sy nk ajak jgk korang2.. let's spill some thoughts here...
ok,.. here goes the motion...

"love and money.. which is more important in life"

actually, ni tajuk JPA interview dulu.. not mine, someone's.. cam best.. td tgk vid kat utube..his GF left him for some richies~ tetiba ter trigger lak sal tajuk nih..mengong sggh ley lak pk sal ni padahal tgh relaks kejap from reading anatomy.. wat evss... mari2 bg pendapat~!

To me.... of course money is important for life, but without love.. life would be dull.. and plus if you're hyper rich.. people will approach u only for wealth.. not u.. but they said...

when poverty knocks at the door love flies through the window..

heh, don't ask me.. i date hot rich vampire..Mr. Edward Cullen.. money? check! love? check! naaah! just kidding.. seriously.. i've no idea.. if the interviewer pops out this question to me back then.. i'm not quite sure what kind of crappy thoughts i'll put forward... haish~ selamat ak kaki TV.. dpt soklan pasal AF, sedap ar ak tibai~ alhamdulillah fly gak ak sbb AF... syg ah ramlee ms~ keh3

so, if you have any idea.. or just a plain quote.. just spill them in the comment box.. seryes ly DUDE!.am sick and tired of having syoksendiri entries weyh~ and for God sake, they didn't create those thing for nothing.. leave comment!!!

less than a month dah nk balik.. yeay! packingpacking barang..~

sayasudahconfusedawakdiamsayadiamtapimahusemuajadisendiriawaktakfahamkahsayamahuawakstudyuntukmasadepanawaksayatunggu

pertengkaran kecil

2009-06-04T16:45:00.003+08:00

Sedih...

bila kuingat pertengkaran itu

Membuat jarak antara kita

Resah tiada menentu

hilang canda tawamu

Tak ingin aku begini

tak ingin begini

Sahabat, rangkaian masa yang telah terlewat

Buat batinku menangis

Mungkin karena egoku

mungkin karena egomu

Maaf aku buat begini

maaf aku begini

Bila ingat kembali janji persahabatan kita

Tak kan mahu berpisah karena ini

Pertengkaran kecil kemarin cukup jadi lembaran hikmah

Karena aku ingin tetap sahabatmu

-edcoustic-

isbir syuwayya,,

2009-06-03T05:46:00.008+08:00

bila mulut malas dibuka
bila cerita malas dihebah
bila kisah malas dilayan
bila hati malas dipeduli
bila konflik malas difikirkan
bila masa depan malas direnungkan
bila sekarang malas dihitungkan
bila bakal malas diimpikan

maka sy kata

bas! mumkin fi waqti elle gayy... ana mush mustagillah..
isbir syuwayyah lau samah?

fi waqti elle gayy..

***

sungguh2 tgh tahan sabar.. lagi sebulan nk balik.. dh dtg sindrom pemalas sebelum masanya

then, dpt b'day bonus asek gayut la plk.. sory dear kaco2 u.. smpai kene tuduh buang tabiat sbb asek call.. hehe sorry~aaiii bosan sgt kott.. hepi finals yeah!.. hak2

i can't stand this summer, ok? today 40 degree kot~ aduss....the bright and sunshine was nice but.. i got cracks all over my lip.. and kejap2 berdarah..tawulah i bercinta dgn pontianak tp.. bleeding lips ain't kewl ok?

and all of the sudden u got this hyper thirst.. i drink every 3 mins.. and asek2 bgn dr meja study..ulang alik kitchen and toilet.. ughh.. mcm mn mahu study begini ceeh~ alasan!!! seryesly severe weyh~! every single drop of ur body fluid will be extracted.. even the eyes.. kering amat.. sampai dok winkwink berulang kali sbb pedih... hah mcm nk nk bukak luas2 baca anat?? tido je ah~ tgk! alasan lagi....

panas panas panas..

And oh yeah.. Barrack Obama comes to visit Cairo Univ tomorrow.. what the??

ape kes lak aiii.. sampai kene perintah berkurung lak aku.. ooppss.. milk and coffee dah abes ptg ni kene stock up supplies.. esk duduk umah senyap2.. penganas amerika nk dtg.. huh.. nyusahkan idop!!

pray pray pray

takdek mood nk baca anatomy.. liar sungguh otak saya.. sudah melilau ke langkawi rupanya..

cemak, balikbalik! study~

i'm hot during summer cool during winter..[hey,org xde niat nk cari gaduh..npe kene boikot lak]

.............

2009-06-02T03:08:00.005+08:00

I got tachycardia today.. so careless of me to leave my student ID card back home.. and i was right there.. standing infront of the exam hall.. 30 more mins before the english paper.. lucky me, farah was still at home.. but don't even ask how she manage to come on time.. I ran all across Cairo.. and I bet I lose 3kg today,
To Farah Sabrina thanks a lot.. i owe you my life!!!

kalau tak~ sumpah aku sorang je kene repeat paper or carry paper English naik taun dua.. seram wooiiii~ Tulah men2 lagi semalam.. kan dah kene CASH!! syukur.. dpt jugak aku masuk jawab paper tu.. susah ke tak? oh..tlg jgn tanya.. saya tak mahu kena hukum kali kedua..

And there was a second epidemic of scared-of-by-anatomy syndrome.. so what if the possible questions is removed or add?.. just don't remove anything and consider reading everything..tho i noe i would never manage to remember anything.. wallah~! trying babe! trying~ not quite a big deal to bug with.. snap out of it people! adoii.. 5 days = 5 books and here i am.. scribbling God knows what~ kan? kan?

-anatomy is undoubtfully scabrous. wish me luck. i only wish to remain alive after anatomy-

***

past and present

as i took off my gaze off past

i walk on present pace

as i fall for present

past wave back

past was my future

and present is my apathy

i cruise farther just to find that i'm completely lost

to not know your where about was a total absurdity

and to hope that you could go back

and wish you never even start this darn journey

when goodbye was never an end,

and to things i put fullstops on

was actually a start of a new verse,

when nothing i end up to was a real end..

i come to the diverging road..

past was inviting

but present is alluring

past was never assuring

but present is not promising either

past was my future

present is my apathy

when 1+1 = 0

then life was never easy

isn't it?

i need to put an END..a big FULLSTOP.. but i don't know how or when..or not even know why..

feeling a bit upset with my own ignorance and stupidness..

to be or not to be?

English vs Medicine

2009-06-01T03:34:00.006+08:00

I am so addicted to continuous writing[CW] back in SPM.. (ok~ this is merely self boasting ) i don't know why. Perhaps having the fact that it's the only thing i did that succeed to attract my teacher's attention back in school i.e Miss Lin, it made me feel... i dunno... happy? sense of authority? hey, you see.. i could do anything at my answer paper ok? Or~, it gives me the satisfaction of creating some kind of a masterpiece~ this is craps...

Well i'm not that great in 1119 either, gramatical errors and a what-so-ever broken english and seriously stupid i-don’t-know-what accent,but.. wat evss
so, when i moved on.. i mean stepped into med school... i think i got this crazy syndrome of trying to exaggerate facts into a fictious style of story-telling as in CW

well~ a medical student should write this-->

"in absences of telomeres, eukaryotic cells will face a special problem in replicating the end of 5` end of lagging strand. there is no way to fill in the remaining gaps..."

I, on the other side, wrote this-->

“without telomere, there will be no human at all. People would die. Mutated genes can cause the creation of supernatural human beings. As far as anyone would believe, spiderman after the spider-bitting incident was mutated by the poisonous venom that could alter the gene chromosomes of human ability causing them to act above the normal level of human can achieve. Edward Cullen on the other hand....."

ok, no~.. i did not write this in my answer sheet.. but hey! i tend to~ with almost zero factual medical informations, atleast everyone knows how mutations can make superheroes.. that was a 'fact' too

Yet, no one believes me when i said i'm born writer not doctor~ phewss.. i'm trying, ok.. my brain just don't work that way.. not a factual-memorise-then-spill type of mind~

Btw, i LoL to this refer the below picture.. i mean.. seriously who won't? i googled the word anotated.. can't stop giggling till now... what's thorough breakthrough?? is my lecturer planning to make a riddle-giggle kind of textbook? keh3.. mentang2 biochem dah abes.. bleh r kutok2~ lol lg and 12 years ago~ wow.. that explains the classy style of writing~

oh-oh.. there's another joke on biochemistry

- two atoms walk together, then one atom said "i think i just lost an electron"
then the other atom said "really? are you sure?" then the first atom replied "hell yeah, man! I'm positive!!'

and i love this phrase tho..
single-stranded.. this is actually quite sadistic in my writer-POV
come on peeps! single, and stranded? poor thing lah~ go get a bf or gf or something.. pleaselah~

but better than double-stranded..

hey, you peeps..let's take a look at English Paper possible questions for tomorrow.revisionrevision.tahan gelak taw!

explain the below medical suffixe:-

-agogue- my def= a type of p.ramlee's dance in 70's actual answer = stimulating or increasing the flow
-genic- my def= Aladin's companion, who live in a lamp. actual answer = capable of causing
-itis- my def= the wrong spelling for Awie's song Iris. actual answer= names of inflammatory
-malacia- my def= not the right spelling for malacca. actual answer= softening
-oid= my def= used when calling someone informally..oitt~! actual answer= resembling
-rhaphy= my def = exschoolmate.. correct spelling is rafi picisan~ actual answer= repairing
-sonic= my def= wow, this is great.. a cartoon character.. he's blue. actual answer= sound related
-megaly=my def= shopping mall.. it's supposed to be mid valley. actual answer= enlargement
-stasis= my def = Akademi Fantasia's star Stacy~ actual answer= slowing, stoppage
-tomy= my def= jerry's bestfriend actual answer= cutting or excision

now i give up english!!~ phew.. what evss ~_~!

oh my! medical life is so much fun!

gile panjang post.. layan ah~

lalalala~

birthday bash

2009-05-31T22:12:00.007+08:00

bertiga lebih baik~

berdua jap~

budak comel main hadiah comelcomel

markah exam kami.. haha ameen!!

"besday wishes" dari seluruh dunia.. haha~ x tahan padahal tgh wat keje.. dinner lgi sebulan kot~

pisau dapur kot kau kasi aku.. awat x bwk parang~

geng star! haha..

terima kasih semua~ pinkies2 hahah .. wat malu jek masuk dewan pekse pink2 gini.. berjemaah lak tu thnks~

dalam bahasa perancis delice maksudnya yg manis..ok~ ini adalah tipu

3 s bukan syok sendiri sorang.. syai, syak, syaz

gambar keras terakhir sebelum jd 19!

selamat menjadi manis

30th may

2009-05-31T00:34:00.006+08:00

ahli beitku yg sporting mempinkkan diri~ dan rai yg dipenyek maduku~

Terime kasih semua.. sayang nye korang2... sangatsangat happy.. for the elegant cake..sampai malam ngadap kek tu~ the Cookdoor party..jahanam diet sume org the sweetsweet wishes.. ade yg wish sampai 3 kali.. waktu mesir, malaysia, brunei.. aduii.. kamu sungguh sweet.. jap! tak abes lagi list ni.. for the cute presents.. tq anah ume syak syaz... saya sayang kamu juge... to my ksm thank you for the b'daysong video.. for the unprofessional singing yg kena paksa berkalikali.. tapi u did it too tq sygku~..demand sungguh besday girl ini 12342~

For the wishes that fly through sms.. walaupun lambat xpelah,GMT lainlain kan? difahami 2... my dearest kautsar hani zati nuha, yg antar through off9 msges, Facebook.. kepada warga imarah11 dan juge rakanrakan semedic sekalian!! and oh! my exsmkaa'ians dayah and bejah.. ^-^!

My clans 508 yg paling awal wishes beramai-ramai.. terharu siot.. my housemates yg sanggup jadi perwakilan puteri umno today.. pink2.. kepada adek ku Rai, yg susah payah plan b'day 'surprise'.. percayalah aku mmg terperanjat sgt!! haha~

To my parents for their doa...to my adekadek.. hadiah top up itu bermakna ok? hahaha
besday yg paling lame yg penah, ade dari semalam sampai skang msg x putus masuk, ym la, dtg umah la.. dari semalam sampai sekarang tersengihsengih.. aaaiii.. tataw nk cakap ape, terharu sampai speechless.. kamu begitu sweet, sahabat2 ku..

Dia timpakan ribut, rupanya Dia mahu hadirkan saya pelangi.. selamat dtg pelangi~

It's award time!

ucapan paling manis:-

"selamat menjadi syaimaa yg baru, yg disayangi Allah" -raihaana-

wish paling banyak:-

izzati hashimxleh blah la mcti! tq2

makhluk paling cute dan manis di Cookdoor:-

syak, syaz, rai, aishah zahirah,tiqoh, ada , farahyen, jieya, tasneem, tasneem lagi, nOr~

hadiah paling manis:-

stay~ and this bday song.. 1234!

bulan paling banyak postakibat tension dan bengang~

MAY!! tahniah blog writer.. tahun depan buat lagi yer.. sape suh wat org sedih time bulan besday sy??~ LoL

this bday song is dedicated to me by1234...xnk gtaw! bwekk~ hahakalau rajen klik kalau x blah

mode happy sampai melonjaklonjak ke langit ke7!
alhamdulillah dpt kwn manis macam kamusemua~
nnt mahu upload gambar besday sy k?
btw iloveu too..

The Coffee Tale

2009-05-29T18:20:00.006+08:00

ughh.. the only thing i hate this layout is that it won't let me write long long title... which i luuuv to do btw..

Anyhow, as usual.. i'd like to spill crappy words again.. not feeling like reading? fine.. shuhhh~ click [X]

Ever bought that instant coffee mix, where it reads.. ready to serve just add hot water.. great!
so, i bought one of those.. of course.. and i thought it ease my life.. apparently NOT~..

i plainly just empty the content into my cup and add water.. wallah~ just like the instruction.. then i took a sip.. bluaarrkk.. not nice... not sweet.. not creamy.. not .. errr.. definitely a no-no..

so i end up.. adding milk.. ....sugar.. ...and some more coffee from my mate's coffee jar.. ouh, wait.. that equal almost everything from the premix coffee sachet.. what the..??

when i was about to throw the empty sachet.. i saw this....

"you may want to add sugar or creamer to suite your personal taste preference"

*curse*

what's the damage dude? if i'm too petty to make my own coffee mix, i won't end myself up to buying a 3-in-1's which cost me more tho~

i hate instant stuff. claim to be instant but blahh~ [whtthh am i talking about???? ]

****

ok, i might agree.. this is without a doubt, my ultimate most boring 29th May of my entire life..

i'm seriously, oh-not-so anticipating tomorrow.. btw, biochemistry rawks! oh yeaah~

ok.stop.bye!

macam gula

2009-05-29T15:03:00.002+08:00

macam gula
manis tapi menderitakan

macam gula
manis tapi melalaikan

macam gula
manis tapi menyakitkan

macam gula
dihurung semut lalu bukan hanya manusia memaki nya

macam gula
manis tapi menyusahkan

macam gula
itu dunia..
manis tapi melekakan

macam gula
itu saya
manis tapi memuakkan

macam gula macam semut macam macam

belajar untuk melepaskan semua benda yang tak patut dimiliki.. dalam luas nya Rahmah Mu Tuhan.. pasti aku tak sesal dengan hanya hilangnya ramah manusia ..

bila kasih membuakkan benci, maka macam gula untuk pesakit diabetis.. manis manis kaki dibuang juga..

berhenti jadi gula.. awak tahu awak juga gula.. dihurung semut lalu dibuang.. tak mahu jadi gula.. tapi mahu MANIS

about 5

2009-05-29T04:10:00.003+08:00

about 5 question you that is most likely to be annoying prior to an exam :-

"eh, kau dah habes study?"
"aku cuaklah nk exam. kau?"
"masuk ape je ek exam ni?"
"kau yakin tak ?"
"bila exam tu?"

about 5 things i would like to change about myself :-

selfishness
outspoken words that tears other people heart
emotional
blogging and speaking nothing but nonsense
pessimistic

about 5 things i really want right now :-

to say sorry to everything i did
to go to the Nile side and be ALONE for the whole day
to cry out loud and stop everything that initiate it
secret recipe caramel cheese cake
stop doing stupid things and start loving

about 5 things i regret at the moment :-

writing this
revealing my feeling even when i know it harm everyone
to ever create this blog and create havoc
accidently fall for someone
creating a stupid scene where i then don't know how to escape from it anymore

about....

entahlah.. takde idea dah..

mind over matter

looks can be deceiving

words are powerful that sword

people can harm you and love you at the same time

i think i should stop this nonsense right away...

you know what, i don't care if no one read my post. i know i'm boring and pathethic so go away... i'm contented because i released everything..

well, i am happy.. apparently someone else's not.. but what can I do..

life is unfair but God is great..

peace is not something you get, but it's what you create

blerghh.mahu cipta dunia utk org2 melancholy dan pergi bersendirian utk beberapa hari..masalah.. masalah.. kenapa satu satu nk datang masa saya exam ni.. saya hanya mahu bahagia.. kenapa takda satu pon yg kena?

apa saya tak layak untuk gembira? ya, mungkin kerana banyak dosa...Tuhan, ku hadir padaMu..

Terasa Hati

2009-05-28T15:23:00.006+08:00

Katalah saya emosi.. sangat tak rasional.. dua tiga post asek menda negatif saja.. nk buat mcm mn.. tak abes2 nk berduka lara.. entahlah.. terbaca sesuatu.. sangat2 menikam dada.. entahlah.. bila kenyataan diketahui melalui interpretasi maka mungkinkah semua itu hanya ilusi? Allah~

Maka atas premis apa, sy mengkonklusi perkara2 tersebut.. semua..semua perkara yg sy buat mendatangkn fitnah utk kamu dan diri sy.. setakat mana sy menilai erti persahabatan itu sy pun tak tahu... bila tak ada satu benda pun yg terlihat positif dari sesuatu perkara.. kenapa kita selalu me'negatif'kan ia? tak ada jalan tengah lagi kah..

Saya punya rencana.. Tuhan yg menentukannya.. Ya Allah..entahlah.. petanda apakah yg Kau cuba berikan utkku?

*ilusi+emosi = konklusi?

sy bosan hidup dalam tekateki.. sy sakit bgn tidur setiap hari mengheret masalah yg sama.. sy sedih kenangkan perkara2 yg sy sendiri fikir dan cari pasal tanpa dpt menyelesaikn..sy mahu tutup kes.. lepas ini sy tutup kes...

maka konklusi sy ialah buat-buat tak tahu.. pedih hati bila banyak perkara yang hanya kebenaran yg dapat selesaikan tapi di akhir cerita.. ini * juga yg menang..

sakit sakit..

kepada sahabat-sahabatku.. tolong jangan su'uzon atas setiap sesuatu.. percayalah.. sy akan jawab dengan jujur pertanyaan anda.. tolong jangan hukum sy.. percaya atau tidak sy sangat mudah tersentuh.. walaupun kamu tak cakap.. pandangan kamu merobek hati sy..

ini kali terakhir sy bercakap tentang ini.. lupakah kamu? saya sudah tutup kes.. dan dalam perbicaran kes Rasionaliti menentang Syaimaa Ahmad.. Mahkamah mendapati pihak defendan bersalah dan dengan ini menjatuhkan hukuman untuk beristighfar dan merenung kekurangan diri. Bersurai.

saya akan lari, supaya kamu aman, saya aman, dunia aman..
tamat cerita~

****

okok.. this is happy stuff..

My Bro got through the MISC cadet sponsorship programme!!!

yeah, i noe.. so freaking awesome..

i've been worry for nothing..

well~, must have been because of my super duper excellent application letter and rocking resume`.. anyone would buy that... i noe it's effing cool~ lalala

in euphoric mental state..

hepihepihepi~ coolest bday gift bro!

p/s:- selamat menjadi kaya dan takde life adekku~

hey, nnt dah kaya jangan lupa aku..

privacy and what comes with it

2009-05-28T01:17:00.006+08:00

When i chose to be discreet, i would really appreciate if you stop asking questions.. and when i said i need privacy, i'm more than happy if you would respect my space..

I don't need a CIA or SB to monitor my emails and check my call registers.. and sneak a peek at my messenger list.or my laptop screen. or myplaylist..which is full of Paramore and Muse and aah~ lagho~because i never do that to people.. i would really expect the same from others.. respect my space please~.. it's not that i'm mad or something.. but.. it's not very comfortable.. i have my reasons for keeping a lot of things to myself.. simple2 thing could turn into a massive fitnah if you know what i mean.. i lost a friend along the way.. and i don't want to repeat it... when i'm not ready to share with the world.. i AM not ready..

It's about respecting others.. if only we could learn how far we can get into peoples' life..the limits that we must set for someone to enter your private life, then everything would be okay. This post is going to be a long one. Stay with me.

Lately, i don't share things with people.. even closest friend.. not even you dear (kautsar) sorry.. not quite the right time.. i've been keeping loads of things in my mind.. my fear.. my anger.. even my tears.. everytime i cracked over something, i just sleep and if worst, i just cried behind the comforter they don't call it comforter for nothing u noe~

I'm just not the old me anymore.. i hide my emotions.. but it doesn't mean i don't have one... I need my space to be respected.. that's all i'm asking.. please... please.. have trust in me.. my life is not as enjoyable as it might seems.. go stalk someone else~

Read between the lines.. if i didn't say no.. doesn't mean i approve it.. you should know by yourself.. we all have boundaries, i need mine.. i don't think i need to build a wall.. we have our own rationality.. think about this.. don't do thing you don't like to others... and we all will be fine..

I learnt a lot of things regarding life. One of them is.. when you exposed too much about yourself, your emotions.. people tend to judge you.. they try to justify every act that you did.. sorry..I'm the kind of person who don't like to be prejudged... my judgements are far differs from you...

So your evaluations are not on flat ground, humans' thought are often bias and unwise.. sorry...sorry.. please let it go.. please let ME go..

I don't need that judgement looks on your faces to make me feel bad.. i AM already bad.. but i'm still rational.. thanks for your concern tho..

my life is completely undercontrol even tho mate dah bengkak2 dua tiga hari ni.. tido x ikut masa.. nanges sana sini.. ah elmo lah kau~ NAK BALIK.. kat umah i'm free to do anything without risau someone stalking on me... lalalala~

btw.. why i prefer using english? b'coz u can say a lot of emo stuff and people would have to think to judge them.. huhu... if i use BM.. it would be straight forward.. and people read and judge...

please read, understand, judge...

comments?

ah.. no need.. u know u love me.. x0x0

LoL~

ignore this

2009-05-27T04:23:00.004+08:00

Take a breath
I pull myself together
Just another step until
Ireach the door
You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you

I wish that I could tell you something
To take it all away
Sometimes I wish
Icould save you
And there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up til it's over
If it takes you forever

I want you to know
When I hear your voice
it's drowning in the whispers
There's nothing left to take and no matter what I do
I can't make you feel better
If only I could find the answer
To help me understand

Sometimes I wish I could saveyou
And there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up til it's over
If it takes you forever
I want you to know that
If you fall, stumble down
I'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you
I'll give you strength to pull through

Tell me you won't give up
Cause I'll be waiting, if you fall you know
I'll be there for you
If only I could find the answer
To take it all away

Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things that
I want you to know I won't give up til it's over
If it takes you forever
Iwant you to know
I wish I could save you

please..please..please.. just skip this.. i'm not having enough sleep remember..something must had got into my brain somehow.. DAMAGED!~

btw, this is a song. i did not have the brain of a writer you noe~!
[mode jiwang tak tentu arah.. i hereby allow you to say i'm lunatic now ~_~!]

sleep is all you need

2009-05-26T14:18:00.005+08:00

semalam tido pukul 3. tak dapat tido. Insomnia? tidak. neva~... kaki tidur. tak mungkin ada penyakit ini. sedang berfikir. berfikir.dan.berfikir. tak dapat solusi.tido.bangun 430. langgar kipas. sujud solat subuh. angkat kepala. rasa berputarputar. huh! tido itu penting. sekian.

this post is red b'cuz IT'S IMPORTANT! lalalala~

crack quote of the day:

sometimes when you feel down over an uncertain thing, just sleep on it. Stupid argument dies after the wake up smile.
-syaimaahmad-

####

just to [oh, i dunno the right word to say] 'spice' things up???? i included the "Word of The Day" and "Ugly vs. Cute Word of The Day" column..i got this funny mode for thesaurus nowaday.. it used to be my source of joke sometimes There, below your right side. Enjoy! and hey, if you have any idea for the words, just leave ur shout out at my chatbox!

toddles~craps.. i dunno what this means either.. LoL

Y_Y!

2009-05-26T02:54:00.006+08:00

Oh-My-G0d.. here it comes again.. the emo-not-so-great feeling... shushhh!!.. it's not that i can do anything about it tho.. moodswings.. blerghh.. when u got this emo-thing.. then nothing would fall into it's place ..

i chipped my nail when cutting potatoes.. lucky i got nails, if not i might lose a finger today.. then i burned my arm.. [hey kids, when mom says stay away out of kitchen.. she really mean it ok??]
cooking and my mind wandering around.. sumpah tak aman gile hidup aku

Then u would be mad over everything.. EVERYTHING I tell you! i saw someone with mess out hair.. and i went babbling about how people invented combs and hair clips.. someone come and chitchatted over God knows who about God knows what.... aduss we still have 3 papers coming up..
next u have someone telling u how upset they were over the exams.. bla..bla..bla.. oii2, i burned the whole long essay question and u're upset over a simple drawing? *urut dada tahan sabar

i need time to be alone and quiet.. stop it!!.. then i scolded at Marmalade.. she jammed a lot nowadays.. it's like daring me to throw her over the wall... u noe i might do that for real!! then i dunno who.. buzz me at the YM.. sending steewpidstweepid audibles.. hey!!!! i'm really straining myself from cursing someone.. and you're trying me out?? is this a joke???

when i got this.. no one can come near.. u might be broken hearted over nothing.. i could say something i you really really don't want to hear for rest of your life..i think i need to wear the sign over my face.. which read "STAY AWAY..HIGHLY FLAMMABLE!"

not-so-sweet attitude kan? ish.. dunno.. dunno.. dunno... i just got a lot of stuff in my head.. wut evss~

all i need is a plain smile... a sunshine.. a cute joke.. a simple Hye! a...
make me smile now, just for a while..

you're like a shadow always there wherever i go..but never real.. when light's gone you'll vanish too...

buat-buat senyum dan jadi manis...

it's BITTERSWEET

2009-05-25T16:45:00.005+08:00

hi! i tried to make the title as catchy as i cud.. obviously it works like craps ough!! examexamexam.. i'm implying a new rule here.. nobody mention the E word here!! got it? got it?

the lame old blog of mine was a total misery.. exams make people cranky and fight over a cup of coffee~ just get over it, babe! ha-ha-ha...

Ok.. so.. no one speaks the language of exams here... btw, i'd like to spill on something about the 3 hours from the Dark Cruel World of Egyptians Exams read DEAD world~

Fuuuh.. you people who study in Local Univ's should be grateful..hey, not now k?

just wanna tell you folks that I had just recovered from an internal ear bleeding last night.. those peope just can't get everything settled peaceful...nk kawen gaduh nk gmakan kecoh nk exam riuh.. WT..??

basically.. it mess my life out.. i was supposed to review my note last night..but i end up.. figuring out ways to be deaf for a while..

hey, i said shut up!!

no cursing please...
it's not what sweet gurls do..

grin

hey *syg, imissu

*this is kautsar..

cerialah!... kerana hidup itu indah :)

2009-05-25T04:01:00.005+08:00

Tukar template baru.. comel kan? okok sy tahu.. yg guys kat luar sane dah uweekkk.. gilegeli lah..ape lah.. tapi yg gurls wud go like.. aaawww.. shweet LoL...

ahaks.. sy tahu2 sngt comel ni.. tak mahu lepas the little blue blog.. tho yg pink td cam comel juge.. takpe.. this is little BLUE blog.. hiks...

dgn terhapusnye sombre blue yg lame tuh.. harap2 posting selepas2 ini lebih ceria macam ntv7...

mari nk tunjuk sweet heart sy yg di malaysia ni... handsome org nya.. Muhd Syamel Afiq.. ahaii.. rindu lah budak kecik ini...XoXO

*****

learning to let go and forget what's not belong to me...

entah..

-katakata apabila tidak memberi makna lagi.. maka diam itu lebih baik-

sy sikit pon tak faham apapa.. tp belum masanya utk fikirkan.. tggu~ masa masih pnjg.. andai itu bukan takdir sy.. sy sudah belajar utk let go and forget..

oh, hidup ini begitu indah jadi mari... senyum!

sweet itu manis

2009-05-24T10:15:00.003+08:00

semalam ada peristiwa.. dua cerita.. satu kesan

kosong...

entah... entah...

pagi tadi ada satu peristiwa.. senyum kejap.. pastu kosong balik..

entahlah...
saya baru sedar kot..
yang manis itu tak semestinya gula...

gula pula tak semestinya manis...

*dalam gile maksud.. maaf.. saya sudah bosan menjadi shallow atau low...

hey, hari ini exam sempat post lagi satu entry.... entah..

eehh

entahlah.. nk cakap ape pon tak tahu.. cakap kang kontrovesi.. tak cakap... dah membenak dalam hati

hey cemak.. kamu coffeemate.. ade sedap.. takde takpe je.. bukan gula... tidak semanis itu
T_T!

zaman sekarang orang letak susu dalam coffee.. lebih berkhasiat.... erk ape yg aku merepek ni

entah juge!!

goodluck syaimaahmaddansemuapelajarmedictahunsatukasrelainy!

coffeemate ke coffee saya tetap sayang kamu..
bye~

sleep induced stress

2009-05-23T14:59:00.008+08:00

ada penyakit baru. ini cerita baru. bkn H1N1. tolonglah. vain gile kamu. itu cerita lama. ini cerita baru. kamu yang bukan pelajar perubatan mungkin tidak pernah dengar penyakit ini. Ia berangkai. berkaitkait. macam tiga serangkai. kencing manis.penyakit jantung. hypertension. berkait.

Ini penyakit budak medic. oh ya! kalau bukan budak medic. budak skema juga mudah kena penyakit ini. penyakit ini adalah SIS. bukan sister. bodoh kamu. ini bukan subjek tripleonenine. ini biologi. ini fisiologi <huduh benar tulis melayu beginikan?> SIS. sleep induced stress.

oh? tak faham bahasa inggeris? hey, kamu ini. penat sahaja ada sistem terbabit. tidak ada kesankah? tidak mengapa. saya bukan nak berdebat tajuk ini. sekarang saya bukan pendebat. saya bakal doktor. doktor mesti ramah mulut. pesakit tanya jawab sajalah, kecoh apehal??? <sila jangan emo disini.malu.>

sleep induced stress. tidur yang menyebabkan stress. kalau anda stress anda tidur bukan? tapi jagajaga. pelajar medic dan pelajar skema umumnya. Dr Syaimaa Ahmad M.D pesan, ada penyakit baru. SIS. kalau anda tidur dalam keadaan ini. maka anda akan stress.

mari lihat sebabsebab postsleep stress:

Tidur terlalu awal pada malam hari tidak stayup, lusa exam.kalau esok exam.kucing pon tahu.nnt blank.jgn stayup la.

Tidur awal untuk bangun semula. tapi tak bangunbangun sampai subuh. gile bengang kot.plan tak jadi. tahajud melepas. double tensi

Tidur yang bangun lambat gile. Utk kaum hawa difahami. yg Adam. Anda tak takut dosa tinggal subuh kah? lagi2 bangun je housemate siisi rumah riuh menelaah. rasa mahu tarik rambut akibat stress. kan? kan?

Tidur ketika tengah membaca. kononkonon mahu qailulah. tapi sampai ke petang. silibus belum selesai.Lusa exam mati

Tidur ketika didalam peperiksaan. ini mmg fatal. no komen. tukar course jelaa. memang sin.ya.wau.ta!

Tidur dalam keadaan orang serumah baca buku bagai nak rak. bila anda bangun mereka kata alhamdulillah selesai juga. haa tidur lagi.padanmuke
Tidur petang dan tak bangun untuk dinner.skipping meals can also supresss CNS and body mass atrophy. wakakaka. perli nih.. tak terasa tak tahulah~ :p

berikut adalah sebab musababnya. banyak lagi sebenarnya. tapi artikel ini khusus untuk pelajar. jadi tak perlu cerita tidur yang apabila bangun rumah kena rompak dsb. itu lari tajuk.

jadi marilah kita mengelak penyakit ini. jadilah warga PERUBATAN yang bahagia.

sila rujuk artikel asal yang lebih positif. tidur itu baik untuk pelajar. oh saya terjemah lagi.. sindrom juga ini

rujukan:

1. Kali S, Dayan P. Off-line replay maintains declarative memories in a model of hippocampal-neocortical interactions. Nat Neurosci. Mar 2004;7(3):286-294.
2. Walker MP, Brakefield T, Hobson JA, et al. Dissociable stages of human memory consolidation and reconsolidation. Nature. Oct 9 2003;425(6958):616-620.
3. Maquet P, Schwartz S, Passingham R, et al. Sleep-related consolidation of a visuomotor skill: brain mechanisms as assessed by functional magnetic resonance imaging. J Neurosci. Feb 15 2003;23(4):1432-1440.
4. Pennartz CM, Uylings HB, Barnes CA, et al. Memory reactivation and consolidation during sleep: from cellular mechanisms to human performance. Prog Brain Res. 2002;138:143-166.
5. Hoffman KL, McNaughton BL. Sleep on it: cortical reorganization after-the-fact. Trends Neurosci. Jan 2002;25(1):1-2.
6. Peigneux P, Laureys S, Delbeuck X, et al. Sleeping brain, learning brain. The role of sleep for memory systems. Neuroreport. Dec 21 2001;12(18):A111-124.
7. Fischer S, Hallschmid M, Elsner AL, et al. Sleep forms memory for finger skills. Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. Sep 3 2002;99(18):11987-11991.

tingkatkan prestasi, jauhkan tensi

salam manis,

DR. Syaimaa Ahmad. M.D, M.B.B.S PhD. S.I.D, SOS

Kasr elainy med school

siap upload gambar. baru real beb! ah otak dah mereng. hei esok histology.. doakan saya ye..

sayang kamu!

even walls have ears...

2009-05-22T12:16:00.003+08:00

Penah dgr kata2 mcm kat ats ni? pleaselaa, sape x penah dgr sile repeat paper tripleonenine yer!
mmg out laah.. gile down sgt2 skang.. ughhh.. sindrom too-not-over-physio and scared-off-by histo...

Tak terkata pny down.. tp as always.. cakap dgn dinding saja.. kadang2 cakap dgn dinding itu lebih membahagiakan.. x caye? try wat.. dinding tak akan judge ape yg korg cakap.. takkan reply bukan2... setia mendengar... of course kita takkan marah klau dia buat bodoh kat kite.. hello~ itu dinding!

Huh~ sometimes i just need someone to lend their ears.. kdg2 tu tanak pon dgr dia reply apape.. just dengar je.. sometimes that's all i need... i don't need motivational words..or what should i do next..telling me stuff would be great..dunia ini indah.. Tuhan itu adil.. and.. bla..bla..bla.. i knew those things.. try to just shut up and hear me for God sake!

entah la.. dah lame x dgr org cakap.. "cemak, u're just great! keep it up" no one gives me a pat me for my efforts.. aii.. whenever i'm down, people would go like.. "takpelaa, masih ada peluang lagi" "aku lagi teruk dari kau" " aku pon same je" ????? ... haih.. none of them are comforting sometimes.. nothing sounds right when you're emo kan? so... just listen please..sekejap saja...

And.. the best advice doesn't always come from those you endear the most... just a few of your coursemates can make you smile at your darkest moment..by saying stupid stuff sometimes..which takde kaitan langsung dgn what i spilled to you btw~.. Terima kasih sangat kepada mereka2 itu.. kamu adalah sweetheart sejati < sweetheart =" a" href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sweetheart">dictionary ini .. jgn su'uzon! perlu saya ulangkah, utk kamu repeat paper tripleonenine?? >

btw....you don't know how much it helps when no one is there for you and thank you for being low with me.."jom naik tahun dgn smooth same2?"..the greatest piece of comfortlah~ ingatkan aku je rasa mcm tu.. for saying the right thing at the right time or not saying anything when i don't need them.. loneliness taught you about life.. how to cakap with dinding??

*dan bila semua orang bajet nk mumtaz dan aku mengharap naik tahun tanpa carry paper atau repeat tahun.. itu adalah low dan sungguh x kewl maka selayaknya saya berasa down.. T_T!

`
bile takde orang mendengar, bila org bercakap bahasa histology..bila luahan kamu mendownkan org..bila kamu rasa nk nanges tp.. bajet strong..maka mula mengarut2 dan bersembang sama dinding~ ahh crap laa

i can foresee the upcoming comments.. hey chot, stop saying those momok teacher thing laa..aiii..

2009-05-20T14:10:00.005+08:00

jalan ini akan sakit
akn perit...
saya tahu
saya faham
tapi
saya mahu....

ok. mencari pasal lagi... kalau berdarah ubat sendiri~

toygirl?? apakah??... hampeh pny facebook quiz!

tiada tajuk untuk post yg tiada manfaat

2009-05-19T23:06:00.004+08:00

puas. walaupun tak dapat jawab dengan MANTOP. tapi puas.noktah.noktah besarbesar.
malas nk besarbesar cerita. setiap malam stay up macam orang tak berapa nak betul. yes! cara study yang salah~ tapi medic memang begini... tiada study yg sempurna... pakai jelah apape pon.. marathon? chess? squash? hah APA APA AJE....janji ace..

oh, sy gugup.. benarbenar gugup.. daripada 10.. sy bagi 5 je performance td. cukuplah kot. untuk tahun ini. lihat kiri. muke seryes. lihat kanan.. mak oiii.. essay x nmpak garis.. huruf je penuh. tgk depan. sengih. fuiyoo.. dapat jawablah tu..

sy? alhamdulillah je dgn apa yg ada.. atleast sy berusaha ke tahap mumtaz bil syaraf.. jawab semua latihan..completed essay.. finished the golden rules.. summarised everything.. baca every topics.. tho sy gadaikan platelet... bungkuslah td T_T~! nak buat macam mana kalau dah otak bukan mesin fotostat...*smile

tapi entah.. sy rs happy jugak kot..atleast sy x nyesal x study macam org gile
ha-ha-ha
xde rezeki... Tuhan ada caraNya
hey~
nk jerit

marimari

hip hip hurray~

nak balik dah...

dan..........

saya tak mahu balik sini repeat before raya

sumpah.tak.mahu.

:(

2009-05-18T18:33:00.004+08:00

ok, i noe i said no more posts before physio, but i can't help it.. when i cracked.. i need to talk.. since i'm less talking here and now (dunno why, mebi b'cuz kaut and honey is away.. and nuha was like miles from here..no chance to speak~) my little peaceful blue blog is sooo helpful.. tho i truly believe no one is reading it now..hah perasan sajelah~

i'm the least affected by exams.. exams can't do any harm on me... *bluff* but i cud get relirelireli down by it afterwards.. ughh juz lyke my practical anats~ pheww.. tata mumtaz~

wateva.. i said i'm least but not NOT affected at all.. basically it is understood, y ppl get cranky over it.. IT"S LIFE DETERMINING For God sake... anyhow.. I think i made a lot of ppl sick with me.. I got cranky and i drag others along.. i was emo...

so.. I'm saying a big big big sincere ....

sorry~

know "ciwek"? some called it "cenggeng" hah, gelak gelak~...... i think i got dat attitude deh~.. just now i got a cut over the wicked sink... i was dabbing it with a tissue as soon as i saw the blood, i cried.. yeah.. lame~ dunno y, probably i needed to cry for some times.. but i've been keeping it to myself.. too many stuff happens.. i got confused.. i got sick.. i got tired.. i've been ignored for some reasons.. i've been accused for something.. i've been doing something bad.. and i noe it too... time will heal everything.. i hope it' heal u.. and me... and all of us *pray*

like tiqah said... pops up the silly questions on wrong timing and they'll back out

entahlah..

u shud have said something

let me noe

i cud try to understand

at the very least

make it wise and clear

cuz i might get lost for real, and can;t find my way back.....

it's 2 a.m, feeling like i just lost a friend

and you know it;s not easy

easy for me....

-breathe-

the right advice by the wrong person.. at the very right time

2009-05-16T14:48:00.002+08:00

I can’t believe it’s over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
`

If I only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were cryin'
Summer turned to winter
And the snow, it turned to rain
Then the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognize the girl you are today
And God
I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
`

Cuz you are not alone
I’m always there with you
And we’ll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
When you feel like you’re done
And the darkness has won
`

Babe you’re not lost
When your world’s crashing down
And you can’t bear the thought
I said babe you’re not lost
``

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you’ve gone crazy
But you’re not
`

Though things have seemed to change
There’s one thing that’s still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly, fly, fly away
`

Cuz you are not alone
I am there with you
And we’ll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
When you feel like you’re done
And the darkness has won
`

Babe you’re not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said babe you’re not lost

michael buble` - lost

yela tu i'm not lost.. sweet lah.. time kaseh la selipar ilang... lepas ni ak belilah selipar baru kat ko
sbb baik sgt~

salah org daa..apepe pon tq

rupanya bukan kamu, tapi aku

2009-05-15T04:44:00.004+08:00

sejak mata pandai
mentafsir indahnya dunia
hati karam dalam pesonanya
`
kala akal bijak
menilai mimpi
tanah bukan jejakku lagi..
`
bila jiwa mengenal cinta
maka aku dekat pada derhaka
saat nurani diisi hamba
kembang kempis jantung ku menahan
seksanya dosa
`
ketika pancaindera disapa
bayu leka
tak gentar aku akan bahangnya neraka
`
dan bila aku yakin bertemu bahagia
aku lupa tentang wujudnya syurga
`
Tuhan, seberapa kerap aku berpaling
kerana jahilnya aku
kerana kelamnya Cintaku
kerana terpananya aku
`
telah Engkau khabarkan
tiada tenang tanpa mengingatiMu
apa perlu aku tanya,
mengapa resah dada tiada bernoktah?
`
Rindu,
bila bukan untukMu
maka celakalah aku

engaged??

2009-05-13T22:55:00.009+08:00

It goes again and again.. steewpidsteewpid conversation about the engagement thingy... you guys just can't differ when I'm joking and when I'm not yeah? And when Syaimaaahmad gets bored answering she'd go for a YES! amek ko! I can't remember what triggers the not-so-cool gossips again~ (tho, I'm enjoying the status of engaged for a while)

When things finally cleared out.. they matchmake me with this Mr.M.. then Mr.F.. then Mr. .... haih jadi single mingle pon kecoh ...see? That's why I said being "engaged" is much better.. people would just stop talking for a while. Stop the wild fire gossips.. these few days were like craps too.. it's really hard to keep up with people.. their thoughts, their sayings.. I'm not with anyone at least for now..ok, fine! not engaged.. single and not available..stay away~(just got 19.. awal lg nih..)

was it because of this pic? LoL~

30 may 2012, aged 22.. bleh? hahaha~ (klau tunggu Mr. Right x dtg2.. lari lah kot planning)

crappy stuff.. for sure labelled under -nonsense- hahaha.. gimme a break lah, just finished the first texbook <slowveryslow and steady notsosteady~>

5 more days to go...2 more textbook... respiration and cardiology... thrill will start running afterwards~ so.. this is my last post before physiology...

too many possible essay questions, only 8 will come out.. it's like the Survivor game.. in the end.. just one will be the ultimate survivor *sigh* the others just played along for nothing.. penat kan?

btw just can't take my ears off these... james morrisons...

it's called mitosis chenta ha-ha-ha

finalexamsmakeme giddy~
signing off

~~prayers~~

2009-05-12T15:40:00.005+08:00

dear God,

all I need now is a switch off

for my judging eyes and their too..

for my degrading thoughts

for my back voices hearing...

dear God,

I can't stand the pain of pressure

I put myself into..

I can't bear to be so low

I need an inspiration

a strength to hold on

an undoubtful faith to keep in...

dear God,

I pray for sunny days

but please don't stop the rain..

It brings me to You..

but this storm won't seem to go anywhere

I'm lost

dear God,

I forgot You at times

and

now I fear of You

not being by my side

anymore..

dear God,

I pray for forever blessed

Your Rahmah and Maghfirah

lead my way..

for I constantly took life for granted..

I fall for the world..

and

Now I need to get back to You...

~ameen~

saya budak medik.. sekian

2009-05-10T11:35:00.002+08:00

Pelik tp benar, dah masuk final baru terasa yg diri ni tersalah terjun masuk bidang.. apalah budak pemalas, suka menangguh mcm sy ni buat dlm kalangan bdk2 medik ni..

Tapi sy suka ulang ayat ini utk org lain.. sekarang sy nk sebut baaaanyak2 kali..

"kamu mungkin tersalah pilih bidang, tapi Allah tak mungkin salah pilih orang utk bidang ni"

Bila ingat yg Allah memegang jalan hidup sy, yakin bahawa Dia tak mungkin menakdirkan yg terburuk bagi sy, RAHMATNYA dimana-mana... sy sudah cukup bahagia..

Tapi tahun ini, sy tak mengharapkan MUMTAZ, (jap lg ada yg bg penampar ni, awal2 dah surrender) Maaf, mama baba.. along silap kali ni.. bnyk sgt defects sejak dari awal tahun lagi.. sy belum masyi dgn teknik belajar utk med school, seumur hidup bergelar pelajar, ni lah kali pertama yg sy tersedar yg sy dah salah teknik..
time management huru hara, life matters tunggang langgang, emotionals control tak tentu arah..
teknik study ikut mood, while others are so well-composed... handling life as med students professionally.. sy pulak hanyut dlm nil..

pelajar medic adalah pelajar medic.. no such things as budak medic yg sempoi2.. x study 24 jam pon boleh skor.. sy rs sy tidur dah normal, tahap org sebaya sy lah tidur, tapi budak medic tidur pukul 10 bgn pukul 3, no afternoon naps, qailulah je.. lepas subuh -> buku, lepas zohor ->buku, lepas asar-> buku, lepas magrib -> buku, lepas isya' ->tidur (nak kate tidur mcm x betul, lelap je kot) lepas qiam-> buku...
buku
buku
buku

so sy kena ubah strategi.. tp tahun ni dah terlambat.. dah final baru tersedar, buang masa setahun tergapai2 dalam laut medic yg bergelora.. padan muka.. time preparation melagho je keje~ 3 bulan holiday mode x abes2.. tahun ni saya bajet paling tinggi..JAYYID JIDDAN, dapat JAYYID pon sy amat bersyukur.. dgn teknik ala2 budak kelas masakan study ni.. jayyid tu dah kuwais awwiy dah kot... tapi tahun depan, ma, ba.. along janji! along tukar status dah..

"saya pelajar perubatan"

Kalau Akmal pakai teknik chess (ceeh.. rilek je ek..) sy pulak nk pakai teknik marathon.. xde jog2 dah.. pecut tak kira lung vital capacity dah.. biar collapse.. either you make it, or die trying!

let's warm up!

1> physiology= total 3 textbooks i.e 189 essay questions

2> histology= total 1 textbook (fortunately~) 150 essay questions

3> anatomy= total 5 textbooks (dijangka pengsan kejap time ni) 300 essay questions

4> biochemistry = 1 textbook, 120 essay questions.. enumerate question hafal sebuku~.. take care!

(p/s= dijangka x dpt fulfilled semua essay questions.. tp try sebanyak mampu...)

aku tak akan bersedih atas perkara yg ak tak mampu lakukan, tapi ak akan sedih andai ak tak lakukan apa yg ak mampu utk diriku

-syaimaahmad-

rindu.... kot~

2009-05-04T01:17:00.002+08:00

bosan.peninpale baca anat bertimbun-timbun. Dahla xleh fokus.. td tgk miss list org... bapak laa aii.. sy pon rindu sume itu juge.. wahaha.. rasa mcm diignored kot.. kautsar sebuk final exam dy.. hani selalu gak on9 lately.. tp jrg nk tego dy.. takut beliau mahu study.. hey kamu kamu,
----->>> i mish you soooo much ler~

kiri kanan org study.. sy pula berlalalala diym.. mencaricari org yg mahu melayan sy berlalalala...nmpknya kosong juge. dilayan merepek.. x dilayan juge merepek. "xde org syg, xde org care.."(ok, anah and ume you can stop laughing now!) aduih... final exam makes me crappy.

handphone sudah 2 hari tidak caj.. kredit ade tamam L.E 10.. dasat x? bukan jimat lol.. mmg tak berguna handset itu.. balik malaysia mahu tibai kredit banyakbanyak. gayut? huih xsiqohxsiqoh
ntahla tak tahu lah mahu wat ape.. berkhidmat utk celcom la plk en.. etisalat seryes x best..hehe
tapi sy ketagih iphone.. yuuu~ best gile.. tpi 3 ribu tuh.. haish.. option lain? nokia 5800.. xpress music and touch screen.. crave crave! ....

*beli utk diri sendiri sempena besday bleh? pap! tamparan utk diri juga! blaja la weyh.. final

tut..tut..tut... talian ditamatkan...
inilah hasil akibat brain congestion due to reading anatomy failure...
apoptosis of brain cell

I'm a May

2009-05-02T00:56:00.002+08:00

MEI

* Keras hati & tegas.

sifat pemimpin kot..

* Kuat semangat & bermotivasi tinggi.

pelajar berjaya.. 9 bulan dimesir and still standing.. tak cukup kuatkah?

* Pemikiran yang tajam.

mcm Muhd ckp ade ke otak mude tumpul??

* Mudah marah apabila tidak dikawal.

agak emo.. dh kira bagus dh mengaku ni~ tp mudah sejuk..

* Pandai menarik hati & perhatian orang lain .

erk?? iyakah.. sayay lihat mereka menarik muka apabila saya bersama mereka..

* Perasaan yang amat mendalam.

only when i read twilight~

* Cantik dari segi mental & fizikal.

naaah~ *blushing*

* Tidak perlu dimotivasikan.

kdg2 down giler jgk.. and need my very own motivator

* Tetap pendirian, tetapi mudah dipengaruhi oleh orang lain.

org yg tulis ni lagi tak tetap pendirian.. ape daa dh tetap, dipengaruhi??? what the??

* Mudah dipujuk.

true.. a scoop of baskin robin icecream wud be sufficient!

* Bersikap sistematik (otak kiri).

time tables tunggang langgang juge

* Suka berangan.

main reason i never finish reading anatomy!

* Kuat daya firasat memahami apa yang terlintas di hati orang lain tanpa diberitahu.

always got to trouble because of this.. mis interpretation

* Pandai berdebat.

debater for 2 years.. then kena buang.. not-so-pandai i guess~

* Kelemahan sistem pernafasan.

asthma recovered.no doubt

* Suka sastera, seni & muzik serta melancong.

seni?ok!muzik?ok!sastera?? erkk..

* Tidak berapa suka duduk di rumah.

saya suka duduk hospital.

* Tidak boleh duduk diam.

dihospital, tempat paling saya suka ialah ER.. mmg tak duduk diam

* Tidak punya ramai anak.

sadis! was planning to have the whole team :P

* Rajin dan bersemangat tinggi.

this characteristic (unfortunately) was buried deep deep deep within.. tak terselam

* Agak boros

while this one floats on the surface..

huhuh.. dh nk masuk 19 rupenye..

kaca dan kristal

2009-05-01T13:29:00.002+08:00

org kata impian dan harapan itu mcm kristal or kaca.. cantik.. tp fragile.. kadang- kadang tak tahu lah kenapa.. kita masih ada kekuatan nk menyimpan harapan.. setiap kali jgk.. impian yg sungguh mustahil akan jatuh kemudian berderai mcm kaca2 dan kristal tu.. dan kita jgk masih membina harapan baru.. walaupun dgn kaca dan kristal yg dh pecah tu..

Baba ckp, sy selalu meletak harapan yg sangat tinggi.. kemudian bila x mampu dicapai.. jd lemah semangat.. mungkin jgk.. whoever said "shoot to the moon, if you fall, you'll land on stars" need to rephrase it..

...dgn mengingati Allah, jiwa kan menjadi tenang.....

Org yg bersyukur pasti akan jadi manusia yg paling bahagia dalam dunia ni.. kalaupun kita tak dapat semua yg kita nak.. tp Allah dh bagi sesuatu.. kalau pun tak dapat apapa.. mungkin tu ujian utk kita.. bukankah setiap doa kita yg tak termakbul ada balasan nya?

cuba menjadi manusia bersyukur sambil mengelak utk terluka dgn harapan sendiri lagi~

slumber party~

2009-04-30T01:33:00.011+08:00

idea atiqah

misi belum diketahui..tho icecream was going to be served i smelled fishy.. was it yuuno's?

makanan = ice cream

tempoh 745-900

mari meriahkan majlis..

p/s= did anyone told you that you look fab in pink? so, wear one.. whoever wears pink got to be one of my clans that night.. how cool is that?

wakakaka~

moodswings are getting worst than ever.. grrrr.. give me a head to knock out~!

who ever editted this pic was surely great~ condominium like turned apartment murah.. gudjob ah~

seryesly i think you are a jerk!

2009-04-25T01:42:00.003+08:00

no word is best to describe how i disguise you now.. you are --------- annoying giler~..

fool.stop.

k.e.c.e.w.a. T_T

2009-04-23T20:11:00.003+08:00

usaha x berapa mantap.. tapi study siang malam.. baca 4 kali baca dah.. tulis 3 kali tulis jgk... tapi.. x ingat2 jgk.. bilalah agaknya nk jumpa teknik study berkesan.. arghh.. sy benci sungguh lah perasaan ini.. tawakal selepas berusaha adalah yg terbaik.. tapi x bleh elak punyalah kecewa sbb dah buat sungguh-sungguh tapi rezeki bukan milik sy.. mereka yg cincai2 pon mantap.. what about me??

~dipandang rendah kawan baik sendiri..
~tak dapat jawab dgn baik walaupun study 2 kali ganda yg mid year..
macam mn nak tak frust?
study mcm mn baru nak mantap?
:((

apa lagi yg kurang ek?
..................

ya! kebergantungan pada ALLAH..

girls day out!

2009-04-23T04:16:00.010+08:00

anah bercenkerangrama dgn syak~

picnic panas~ takyah buat BBQ dh..

baby shin goon pon datang~ silap yuuno tak join skali.. hihi

ajk2 hadiah yg "busy"

tgk2~ panas sampai gelap! T_T!~

And we thought it was a spring day out~ but it turned out to be SUMMER HEAT!~
sumpah! mmg panas sangat wey.. couldn't bring myself to think that we played in the heat.. never ever in my life i had seen sooooo many people in one place.. sesak giler~ derang tgh sambut shamun naseem lebih kurang mcm easter holiday lah! wat eva~ senang citer tak best lah spring kat sini.. dh la panas.. bunga pon takde sangat (terbakar dek matahari dah kot~ ) nk spring kat Europe lah~

Ingatkan best lah berkelah2.. but i end up terbaring kat katil sampai asar lepas balik tu.. penat.. dehydrated.. sumer ade.. tekak pon kering dek gaduh dgn bdk2 arab yg x makan saman...

uii~ sedih giler kot.. pepagi buta dh bangun goreng popcorn.. tgn terbakar kena gula hangus.. (kurang dh seribu T_T) jatuh plak dkat washing machine .. air basuhan baju sendiri kot~ (makan tuan punya baju! ) mmg bernasib malang hari tersebut~

Muka burn takyah cakap.. blemishes sini sana.. balik kelas kesat airmata.. tak tahan perit panas.. dgn masalah kulit kat muka.. kering megelupas bintik2 merah lagi.. aiyaaa.. ni belum masuk mid summer lagi.. klau dh summer ni alamat nya membakar lah jwbnya...nk letak tangan kat luar pun takut.. haish.. dkat padang masyar matahari sejengkal atas kepala.. subahanallah~ tapi........

aduh.. seryesly takmow jejak kaki kat mesia dgn kulit bermasalah ini!!!!

kanak-kanak riang baru sampai hadiqah dawliyah

arghhh! tensiontension..

lusa exam physiology lagi.. cepatlah habis lectures.. malas keluar rumah dh.. duduk diam2 dalam rumah sambil ubatkan kulit muka~

~ ya Allah permudahkanlah~